Category: Lessons From Anorexia

A Longing for Protection

Lessons From Anorexia, Unsorted July 8, 2020

The thing with evil

was it didn’t show up

overtly and say, “I want to harm

you or worse.”

It showed up in response to

a vulnerable, traumatized part

of Self that held

a longing for protection

and safety.

It said, “I will protect you.”

This is not to say there weren’t

other forces of light

that truly offered

true healing or that good and truth

didn’t prevail in the end.

Still, it snuck in

and worked slowly and gained trust

as a protector.

It showed up in me as

anorexia, which we know

doesn’t ever end well without

extreme measures of intervention

and clearly didn’t have

my best interests in mind.

But I found it takes

many forms.

God’s Whisper

Lessons From Anorexia June 30, 2020

Out of necessity,

I learned things weren’t

what they appeared to be

on the surface.

I learned the importance of

looking deeper, listening,

and following

that quiet whisper of a prayer

inside my heart —

after a desperate attempt

to separate myself from myself

and the pain of separation became

more painful than any other scenario.

I learned to look just beneath the surface

and hold on to God’s whisper

when it became necessary

to stand alone.

And so I am forever grateful

for the lessons learned

on the way back to my heart.

Whatever Was Required

Lessons From Anorexia, Unsorted June 30, 2020

There was a time when

the vast contrast between

what I knew to be true

in my heart

and what I observed in the world

around me was too painful to hold,

and I choose

to surrender my heart.

And then there came a time when

the pain of being separated

from my heart

and the very real effect of

a withering soul taken over

by darkness

gave rise to something surprising —

a renewed spirit that had no need

for any kind of attachment

to deception —

a whole spirit unafraid to face,

hold or let go of whatever appeared —

whatever was required.

Unfilled

Lessons From Anorexia, Unsorted November 28, 2018

All things were returned to their rightful place. Parts of self matured naturally with the unconditional presence held by those who had endured brokenness and the intimate process of putting the pieces back — having taken care to leave a tender space unfilled where it would have been easier to attempt to fill it up. What was once desperate attempts at survival became wisdom and loving self-restraint.