In That Moment

It seemed to be important

to be in the world

at that particular moment.

Somehow I knew it must have mattered

in some way

that I had managed to make it that far,

having lost my heart and soul…

almost, but not quite.

Sure enough, they were still in tact —

somehow.

And… there was, in that exact moment,

no way to avoid, not look, numb,

justify or unsee what had been

seen through.

There was the overwhelming

sense of powerlessness to protect what had

been held so sacred in my heart,

sometimes by a thread.

And although screaming wore me out

and added to the intensity and insanity

of it all,

I allowed myself to scream.

It had taken so long to be able

to scream again,

only to feel like I was just in time

to be too late,

turned away and unheard

while facing impossible choices

again,

Only this time something had shifted,

if only in the unseen

silent prayer

and inner promise to God

to do whatever was required

to remain connected to my soul

in that moment,

as I had practiced,

not so gracefully.

so many times before.

Somehow it had mattered.