No Matter What

Reflections February 15, 2018

Healing deeply meant finding a way to reach in to parts of Self — where it would have been easier not to. It meant reaching a place where surface responses and insights were no longer an option.

It meant becoming humble enough to reach into the unknown space within my own heart for guidance in each moment with the resolve to find my way and remain there and in a world finding it’s own heart again — no matter what.

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Hidden Safely Within

Quieting February 13, 2018

Again and again, I chose to find my way back to the quiet spaces my mind once tried to escape. It was a gentle turning away from the constant inner chatter and outer struggles of mind — a sinking down into my heart — where mind joined with heart was able to reflect the silent prayer of a love hidden safely within.

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From a Higher View

Reflections February 12, 2018

I learned that creative processes held an element of messiness. I couldn’t really know when the pieces would come together — forming something more beautiful and tender than I had imagined.

It was tempting to look at the pieces and see only the mess. And so I practiced looking from a little higher view.

What Now

Unfolding February 9, 2018

What Now was a gentle way of continuing on. It meant being okay with where I was on the human journey. It meant being okay with where others were as well.

It meant letting go of the need for outer stories to go a certain way, while still being present and offering my part.

There were times when I was so thankful for all I had learned and a bit shocked by the physical bumps and bruises that had been part of the journey.

I found What Now to be a good place to focus in each moment. I could honor whatever came up and be thankful for how far I’d come. I was also disciplined enough to know when my focus on something was not helpful (such as the details of others’ journeys). It was a saving grace to learn to keep my focus on the unfolding step in front of me. No matter what I wished I had done before or understood a little sooner, it mattered that I was taking this step now.

I liked the way this new found sense of self felt as I dropped the old stories in my mind and focused on the step in front of me.

Sometimes holding pieces of past wounds was the appropriate next step. Sometimes it made sense to set something down or reach for something new. I liked the way it felt to be connected with my heart.

All That Was Unhealed

Reflections February 8, 2018

Healing deeply was a little different than I had first expected it to be. I had to learn to hold and let go of all the pieces of my heart.

I learned to reach for my own inner healer — listening  beyond stories and thought — holding space for all that was unhealed in me — respecting the tenderness, authentic beauty, compassion and peace I found there that couldn’t have been taught.

I began to notice all the ways I had tried to reach this place that had actually taken me in the opposite direction. Instead of trying so hard to work out the stories in my mind, I learned to be in my heart — where unresolved pieces turned into pieces of art and honored wisdom. Whatever was needed began to unfold a little more gracefully from there.

Silent Spaces

Continuing On February 5, 2018

And so I learned to reach a little further into my own heart. I learned to reach for a little hidden magic and a quiet prayer to hold for as long as it took — until the softness I felt there began to spill over.

I learned to reach for healing words reflecting silent spaces in hearts that knew the sacredness of the journey back whenever old wounds showed up again.

I learned to soften my path a little more with each step as I continued on.

Whatever Remained

Reflections February 3, 2018

One day I realized the peace I felt had come out of the quiet moments, the insights that came that couldn’t be shared or explained. It had come out of whatever remained of the grief of being within a separate self and the grace of having found my way back to my whole heart.

It was the non-verbal kind of feeling my way through life that had saved me. It was the wisdom beyond stories and questions and answers I found in the silent spaces within that nothing else could reach.

It came out of the willingness to wait forever for words to form and outer forms to match the love I knew in my heart.

The Quiet Prayer That Carried Me

Reflections February 2, 2018

There were times when the stories around me were so big that I knew the only hope was a miracle — often more than one. And so I vowed to clear my own mind and heart and become one with the quiet prayer that had carried me that far.

I vowed to hold the remaining bits of trauma in my heart — knowing they would be transforned into healing words. And I held each new moment as it unfolded.

Words pointed back to miracles past, comforting pieces of my heart and connecting me in each moment to a timeless, unshakeable higher me. But my prayer had no words.

At times I wished the words would come without the sweat and tears. But I somehow sensed the delicate nature of listening with my heart and the importance of feeling my way forward. There was tenderness in knowing the way truth felt and confidence in knowing it so intimately.

A Quiet Kind of Beauty

Reflections February 1, 2018

There was a quiet kind of beauty in allowing my heart to be in pieces. It wasn’t in the mending, so much, that allowed my experience in the world began to soften. It was the gentle shift from being the pieces to being the whole Self.

It was too much at first to step out of the pieces. And so I practiced holding and letting go until the tenderness of tapping into my own true essence far outweighed anything else. There was a sweetness in noticing that it did in fact matter what I was experiencing on the inside.

In Unlikely Places

Reflections January 24, 2018

It was sobering to find tenderness in unlikely places — to be willing to listen to life — tossing up thoughts and stories gathered and held so carefully in exchange for a new kind of emptiness and the courage to regather pieces of my heart again and again — each time a little more sweetly.

It was a relief not to need to fit the many pieces of my heart together all at once.

With Love

Prayers January 13, 2018

Thank you for courage

to follow where my heart

would lead

and for resolve

to stand firmly

through challenges within

the creative flow

when it would be easier

to take a different path.

Bless all who dare

to continue to create

with love

and those who have not

yet begun.

Amen

Echo of Silence

Unsorted January 13, 2018

I fell in love with

the echo

that followed words formed

and allowed to flow

out of silence.

This echo of silence reminded

my heart of the forgotten

magic hidden within —

calming and soothing

all in its path,