One More Time

Continuing On, Unsorted April 25, 2021

And so I continued to write —

not so much for the words anymore

but to feel the connection

with my soul

at a time when real connection

was precious and rare

and words seemed to fall short.

If I couldn’t be heard

then I would listen.

I would turn frustration into

dedication.

I would take the deep sadness,

and I would hold it —

forever if necessary.

And if this tender ache could be

deepened, I would find a way.

Maybe it would lead to a new outer

reflection,

something a little more sacred

and beautiful.

Most likely, but maybe not.

It was my best shot.

It was one more last try

one more time.

In This Place

Continuing On December 31, 2020

Perhaps the most painful lesson

on the journey

was allowing things to be

unresolved —

unsorted.

It was a little different than

giving in. It was definitely not

giving up., but I had to learn

to hold a place for all that was unsettled —

trusting in previous lessons learned

about truth and love and the fluidity

of all states —

knowing beyond all doubt that

there was tenderness in this place.

Reconnection

Letting Go December 16, 2020

I learned that in order to retain the delicate

reconnection with my true Self,

there was to be a clean cut

with all that was of false light.

There were moments of extreme grief

and disbelief as one piece after another,

all that was holding my heart from

it’s true calling was torn back.

I did my best to gather up anything

that might help in retracing my steps

and somehow returning with some kind

of treasure to share —

which helped to create a sense

of meaning in the pain.

Eventually, even carefully gathered treasures

had to be set down — for a while,

adding to the already immense grief

I didn’t know if my heart could bear.

But it was at that point I began to

understand tenderness and

compassion and grace

more deeply.

And I knew I could never

turn back.

Worth Living

Continuing On November 27, 2020

There were so many moments

of decision,

so many chances to take one more step

and to trust it was indeed safe to hold

out for truth

just one more last time.

I learned the art of turning inward,

healing deeply

all the parts of me that were

frightened and exhausted from years

of being disconnected from each other

and from God.

I learned there was a powerful

spirit of pure, real love —

not the imitation or false light

I had strived for.

No, not that.

This unexpected rising up of pure

Spirit was what had brought me

through trials and encouraged me

when I didn’t think I could endure.

And it was this very rising up

that, each time I glanced at the road

behind me, made the whole journey

worth living.

Again

Holding November 1, 2020

It was difficult to hold

many things.

It was difficult to comprehend

that the world wasn’t

how it appeared on the surface.

I had known that at an early age

and had continued on.

It was disheartening to know

and be unable to be heard —

as so many times before.

Yet I remained thankful for strength

to hold it all anyway —

and to remain connected

to God and to my heart

this time

and to welcome new friends

and new experiences

as I learned to notice

and nurture the smallest

bit of hope and pure joy

again.

Every Single Time

Tenderness, Unsorted September 25, 2020

There came a time

when it didn’t matter

how many lies were spoken

or if they were repeated

by every single person around me.

My love of truth had grown so great

and my determination to

move in the direction of truth

and to never again be disconnected

from my own true Self had become

just what I do.

I had learned to respond to my own

inner reality and to create

from there.

Of course the darkness was

difficult to walk through.

And I admit I wasn’t always graceful.

But I reminded myself in the darkest

of times that without fail, every single time

I faced the path ahead and walked it

all the way,

all I remembered was the incredible light

and magic I had experienced.

Embraced

Tenderness, Unsorted September 24, 2020

It was disheartening to surrender

to the idea that love of truth

and the desire to see and protect

one’s own true spirit

and that within others had gotten a bit

scrambled.

Sometimes sacred things got mixed up

on the road to tenderness.

Sometimes darkness found its way in

where there was wounding,

And it took a while to let go of the idea

that moving further away from

true unity based on united sovereign souls

could ever lead anywhere good.

No, in the end, darkness and separation

had to be seen for what it was–

looked straight in the face

and released.

Parts of Self desperately hated,

disconnected,

and previously entwined with the dark

had to be embraced.

Unseen

Continuing On, Unsorted August 30, 2020

Just when I thought

there was no hope,

just when darkness seemed

to have won,

I learned something surprising.

I learned this was the perfect

set up for an equal and opposite

surge of light

that would outshine every last

bit of darkness.

And once lit,

nothing could put it out

What was seen could never be

unseen.