A New Kind of Thought

Quieting, Unsorted September 29, 2018

Sometimes there were no words. And then somehow, mysteriously, worlds began to well up from somewhere beyond. A new kind of thought from a gentler place began to transform all that seemed unreachable. Gentle prayers began to take form out of the resolve to surrender everything  — just to remember this place for a moment.

There came a desire to remain in this place within — just a little longer — no matter what appeared on the surface or how big the challenges seemed.

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Something Beautiful

Tenderness September 28, 2018

Transformation into tenderness meant being okay when life wasn’t all sorted out. It meant holding a space for all the words that, for whatever reason, just wouldn’t ever be spoken. It meant detaching with love and acceptance from all that had been left in the past, often without resolution — not knowing what would become of the tender ache left in its place — trusting it would become something beautiful.

Gently Whispered Prayers

Unsorted August 11, 2018

Words formed out of silence — from a higher place. Somehow, in a not so mysterious kind of way, gently whispered prayers connected an expanded sense of self.

A new kind of thought was born

out of a willingness to reach back  —

offering comforting words,

while remaining open

to the same gently whispered prayers

from somewhere beyond this time.

Transformation into Tenderness

Unsorted August 5, 2018

I found it worked best

to connect with parts of me

that needed attention.

I learned I could hold these parts

without needing them to change.

The first time I noticed I could, in fact,

affect my experience in the world

in a gentle way —

without analyzing or retraumatizing —

without a desperate search,

I had no more need for

less effective ways of coping

that had served to carry me

to a safer place.

Whatever appeared as a reflection

to this safe place within

would be enough.

And when the the outer experience

didn’t match what was felt in my heart,

I held my ground.

It wasn’t always comfortable,

but it was a continuous,

delicate and sacred transformation

into tenderness.

Always

Continuing On July 17, 2018

Sometimes the only thing

I knew to do

was to keep going,

which undoubtedly meant

surrendering to the creative flow

of life.

And so there was the

painful dropping of pieces

I had held so carefully

and an understanding

I seemed to have with God

that I would sometimes

hold on a little longer,

push ahead,

lose my center,

and struggle to find any

resemblance of grace.

But I would always keep going.

Keep Going

Continuing On July 16, 2018

Each time another challenge arose,

I was reminded of how

it could have been —

had I not allowed the process

of expanding to happen

so freely.

There was frustration as old

patterns and emotions were

brought to the surface,

and I was tempted to retreat–

just a little.

I learned to turn

inward and hold my ground —

refusing to quit before

the next tender place

was reached.

Sometimes my prayer sounded

more like a tired scream through

swallowed tears

than a comforting whisper.

But there was always

tenderness close by —

as I dared to keep going.

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