A Gentle Reconnection

Tenderness September 19, 2019

I intuitively understood

that if I was going to reconnect

with my heart,

I would need to risk setting down

old ways of coping

and moving through

a whole lot of fears.

What I had found was subtle

and tender, and i just knew

if I was to return to any form

of numbing or distraction,

I would miss something I wasn’t

willing to let go of again.

I had come too far.

And so the decision was made,

and that first step into

what I later called a prayer break

was taken.

The respite found immediately

was a vast contrast

to all of the striving and searching

and disconnect I had experienced.

I never turned back.

After a while my life existed within

an expanded prayer break,

a gentle reconnection 

with a deeper part of me

and a return to the natural flow

of life, which I experienced as

a continuous transformation into

tenderness.

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Ever So Slightly

From A Quiet Prayer, Unsorted September 19, 2019

Somehow I had dared

to listen to the quiet prayer

in my heart.

I had tried and exhausted

every other option

in my search for peace.

Truthfully, there was really

no better option.

It was shocking at first to,

in a sense, start over again

in my search.

But I began to sense a natural

peace within me and allow

this peace to expand — ever so slightly.

It was a sensing from within,

a quiet prayer from a deeper me.

It didn’t matter so much if things appeared

peaceful on the surface.

It didn’t depend on my body

or mind being still.

What mattered was my

willingness to show up just

as I was and to be with whatever

met me there.

Back into Tenderness

Tenderness, Unsorted September 10, 2019

There was a settling in

to the rhythm of the once faint

quiet prayer in my heart.

Of course it was extremely difficult

to stay centered

and often impossible to be as

graceful on the surface

as the prayer in my heart.

But I did my best to release

my hold on how I thought

this life should unfold,

understanding that contrast was

in fact part of the game.

And I allowed myself to be

carried through contrast and

challenges —

back into tenderness.

A Gentle Surrender

Unsorted September 4, 2019

There was a gentle

surrender into the quiet prayer

that had carried me so far.

It hadn’t always been graceful

on the surface

There continued to be moments

when the very best I could do

was to just keep going.

But there was a deepening sense

of grace and respect for

the journey.

And there was this continuous,

subtle, often wordless quiet prayer

through it all.

This New Echo

Unsorted August 31, 2019

Somehow, a little beyond

what I had thought possible —

subtler than expected,

experiences in my own self

and in the world

began to soften.

Words flowed from a different

place and echoed long after

the brief moments I felt pulled

to write or remember.

It was a familiar kind of echo,

the kind of echo I had felt

from the difficult path that had

brought me to this point.

But this new echo,

this unending quiet prayer,

soothed and softened

places in my heart that had once

seemed unhealable

and carried me softly

toward a gentler path.

Somehow

Within the Mystery April 15, 2019

For a while

it seemed something had

gone terribly wrong.

I had lived through

much contrast and

overcome many challenges.

And yet part of me still felt unsafe

as the contrast continued.

Somehow, just like the very first time

I dared to stop and allow

all of the pieces I had been holding

a little too tightly

to fall around me,

I found the courage again

to gather up the pieces

and sink a little more deeply

into my heart —

taking one more step

into tenderness.

A Little Less Broken

Soothing March 28, 2019

After a while

a gentler way through the winding

roads of this human journey

became a little clearer

as the pieces of my own

shattered heart began to appear

a little less broken

and a little more like unpolished

treasures entrusted to my care.

I was never without

connection with a deeper space

within the greater whole,

though it seemed

to dance around a bit

through different forms

and natural things —

reaching back again —

softly touching the tender,

hidden spaces I once tried

to resolve.

A Little at a Time

Soothing March 20, 2019

Again and again

I found my way back to my heart,

it was a relief

to be free of all that had

seemed like too much.

I came to recognize the feeling

of  too much

as a sign I had attached

somewhere other than my heart.

Again and again,

I found my way to

the present moment

and gently reconnected

with my heart —

refocusing on each moment

as it unfolded —

regaining my trust in life

a little at a time.