Category: Reflections

All That Was Good

Reflections, Unsorted July 15, 2020

The thing is I was used to

taming inner darkness,

and sorting outrageous amounts of

mixed up truth and lies

was nothing.

The thing is I had already succumbed

to the dissonance —

already given up my soul

in pieces,

gathered it back up,

and carefully fit it back together with

my last bit of strength.

I had almost lost my life,

but it was almost completely

surrendering my soul

that was far worse.

The loss of my soul and therefore

all connection with God

and all that was life affirming

and good

became the one thing I feared.

And so, as shocking as it was to

be challenged and pushed

to the edge once more,

I was prepared not to go

down that path ever again.

A Subtle Shift

Reflections February 2, 2019

What seemed like

a subtle shift in thinking

and the ability to focus

within

became a valuable tool

to navigate in a world

in the midst of its own

healing process.

It was a lifesaver during

overwhelming times

to be able to focus feelings

and thoughts

in such a way as to allow

them to be reflected.

Carefully Gathered and Released

Reflections July 7, 2018

The process of creating

involved a tender aching

of the heart

as carefully gathered pieces

were released back into

nothingnes, again,

and my heart dared to bear

the moment before they appeared

again, in a new way —

a little unexpectedly.

I understood, in those moments,

why it is tempting

not to endure this process,

at times,

reaching instead for a seemingly

less painful option.

♡ I’m  happy to say I just finished my 4th book, What Now. (Thank you, Michelle.)

https://lauriesnotes.com/my-book/

Enough

Reflections April 3, 2018

One day I got it that life isn’t supposed to get completely sorted out. I understood there is always a place of unsettledness. Who’s to say what and how much to sort through and surrender and how much to leave alone in the transformative state of raw tenderness?

I couldn’t help but look back on all the time and energy spent trying find someone or something to help me out of the mess in my head. I thought of all the countless dramas I had acted out in my life in hope of a solution to this unresolved trauma — my piece of the collective suffering.

Then I got it that at any point I could have seen that I was okay with where I was (because of course I was more okay than I knew). I could have identified with the healer in me, the totality of all of the parts of me that had struggled to find relief — not knowing they didn’t need to go it alone.

And so in that moment, I vowed to not waste one more bit of energy doing things that only tired me out, including all useless kinds of thinking. I vowed to keep my heart open to the quiet prayer within.

Sometimes enough is enough.

A Gentler Way

Reflections March 31, 2018

For a while, parts of me did their best to survive. The noise created in my mind served as a way to focus away from attempts to sort out what couldn’t be processed completely from that place. Had I been able to access more highly consious parts of me, I would have been shown a gentler way.

In truth, I was shown this gentler way, but needed to reach a place where I could hear more clearly. I needed to step out of that seemingly separate and fractured self.

There, in the sacred space of my true Self,  instead of struggling against parts of the whole, I became healer of my own heart.