Category: Tenderness

Where There Was Tenderness

Tenderness, Unsorted September 27, 2019

I found reprieve in

the remembrance of the quiet peace

ever present within my deepest heart.

I found a willingness to listen

a little deeper —

to observe a little longer —

to be carried and

set back down gently

in the present moment

where there was tenderness.

After a while, it was difficult

to see how I could have moved

through life in any other way.

A Gentle Reconnection

Tenderness September 19, 2019

I intuitively understood

that if I was going to reconnect

with my heart,

I would need to risk setting down

old ways of coping

and moving through

a whole lot of fears.

What I had found was subtle

and tender, and i just knew

if I was to return to any form

of numbing or distraction,

I would miss something I wasn’t

willing to let go of again.

I had come too far.

And so the decision was made,

and that first step into

what I later called a prayer break

was taken.

The respite found immediately

was a vast contrast

to all of the striving and searching

and disconnect I had experienced.

I never turned back.

After a while my life existed within

an expanded prayer break,

a gentle reconnection 

with a deeper part of me

and a return to the natural flow

of life, which I experienced as

a continuous transformation into

tenderness.

Back into Tenderness

Tenderness, Unsorted September 10, 2019

There was a settling in

to the rhythm of the once faint

quiet prayer in my heart.

Of course it was extremely difficult

to stay centered

and often impossible to be as

graceful on the surface

as the prayer in my heart.

But I did my best to release

my hold on how I thought

this life should unfold,

understanding that contrast was

in fact part of the game.

And I allowed myself to be

carried through contrast and

challenges —

back into tenderness.

Reprieve

Tenderness March 14, 2019

I found instant reprieve

in the exact moment

I returned my focus

to the space within my heart.

I learned it was enough

to focus on what was appearing

right in front of me,

allowing all that was past

to be released.

I learned to sense where

life was supporting me to be

in each moment

with a little more grace

and trust.

Only This

Tenderness March 13, 2019

Each time I seemed

to fall back down,

I wondered how I would ever

find the strength to rise again.

There were times

of integration when I would

somehow lose my footing

and in a little bit of panic

seem to lose my way

and cry out,

which never went particularly well —

to put it mildly.

There was, in these times,

a quiet, wordless  prayer

inside my heart.

Often it was the only thing

left to hold on to.

No matter how great the

contrast between what I felt

in my heart

and what appeared in front of me

and in my cluttered mind,

I continued on —

declaring once more,

perhaps with more conviction,

If the only reprieve to be found

is in my heart space

with this one continuous

quiet prayer,

then I will hold

only this.

Forever

Tenderness March 5, 2019

Life began to soften

ever so slightly.

It was risky to hold

the love I had found

in my heart.

There were body memories

of the times when the contrast

between my heart and the world

had been too much to hold —

or so I thought.

Little by little I had somehow

learned how to hold whatever

needed holding —

for however long it needed

to be held —

even if it was forever.

Something Beautiful

Tenderness March 4, 2019

Sometimes words and tears

didn’t come.

Sometimes standing

in the empty space where words

and tears should have been

was the exact right place.

It’s where I found the most

shattered parts of my heart,

dusted them off

with my very last bit

of strength,

and promised to somehow

fit the pieces together and make

something beautiful of the mess —

again.

Of course each time I

realized the impact

of the imperfect journey

and willingness to show up

in that very moment —

breaking through my fear

of getting it wrong,

shattering my heart a little more

and directing me back again

to tenderness.