Category: Tenderness

Space for Tenderness

Tenderness April 24, 2019

I began to practice allowing.

It no longer occured to me

to try to force anything.

Instead I began to find

quiet joy in being

the space

for pieces come together

and in being in

a world in constant transition

into tenderness.

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Reprieve

Tenderness March 14, 2019

I found instant reprieve

in the exact moment

I returned my focus

to the space within my heart.

I learned it was enough

to focus on what was appearing

right in front of me,

allowing all that was past

to be released.

I learned to sense where

life was supporting me to be

in each moment

with a little more grace

and trust.

Only This

Tenderness March 13, 2019

Each time I seemed

to fall back down

into fear,

I wondered how I would ever

find the strength to rise again.

There were times

of integration when I would

somehow lose my footing

and in a little bit of panic

seem to lose my way

and cry out,

which never went particularly well —

to put it mildly.

There was, in these times,

a quiet, wordless  prayer

inside my heart.

Often it was the only thing

left to hold on to.

No matter how great the

contrast between what I felt

in my heart

and what appeared in front of me

and in my cluttered mind,

I continued on —

declaring once more,

perhaps with more conviction,

If the only reprieve to be found

is in my heart space

with this one continuous

quiet prayer,

then I will hold

only this.

Forever

Tenderness March 5, 2019

Life began to soften

ever so slightly.

It was risky to hold

the love I had found

in my heart.

There were body memories

of the times when the contrast

between my heart and the world

had been too much to hold —

or so I thought.

Little by little I had somehow

learned how to hold whatever

needed holding —

for however long it needed

to be held —

even if it was forever.

Something Beautiful

Tenderness March 4, 2019

Sometimes words and tears

didn’t come.

Sometimes standing

in the empty space where words

and tears should have been

was the exact right place.

It’s where I found the most

shattered parts of my heart,

dusted them off

with my very last bit

of strength,

and promised to somehow

fit the pieces together and make

something beautiful of the mess —

again.

Of course each time I

realized the impact

of the imperfect journey

and willingness to show up

in that very moment —

breaking through my fear

of getting it wrong,

shattering my heart a little more

and directing me back again

to tenderness.

A Love Nothing Could Touch

Tenderness February 22, 2019

It was a little risky to dare to understand tenderness. It meant first knowing the opposite. It meant knowing bitter coldness and disconnect, the only way out being back through painful layers of healing as each healed layer began to let in a little more light of hope and courage to continue on. Aiming to get to a future place or remaining stuck in past stories became courage to drop more deeply into the present. It was an extreme path — the result being the capacity to hold and love the most traumatized parts of the human experience. There was accumulated trauma from painful attempts to heal the original trauma, and there was a love and compassion nothing could ever touch or take away.

The Quiet Space Within

Tenderness January 29, 2019

Writing became a meditation,

an easily accessible way

to connect with a truer sense

of self —

in any moment.

My notes became precious tickets

back to parts of self

and back into the world.

Even after I reached a point

where I could safely let go,

translating lived experience

into words continued to be

a ticket into the quiet space within

I wouldn’t have traded

for an easier path.

Finding Calm

Tenderness January 28, 2019

And so the unfolding continued,

along with challenges.

It took a bit of reorientation

into finding calm

in the midst of challenge,

but it was possible.

Finding creative ways of

meeting challenges and triggers

head on and moving through

quickly became a valued skill.

It helped to be okay

with having a tender space within

where it was understood

that some things might not ever

be completely resolved.

It helped to understand the difference

between resolution and transformation.

This quickly shifted the focus

onto the tenderness of meeting

the present moment without attachment

to future results.

It helped to remember that it was

this tender space that had

been the source of past healing

and creative processes.