Prayer Break Notes Read More
There was a longing for some missed step along the way, some kind of orientation to life or honoring of the intensity of the spiritual journey that didn’t happen soon enough. And so finding my way back to where I could sense a loving higher self had been a long, tedious journey.
The process of gathering up fractured parts of self came with its own kind of heartache. Somehow, thankfully, it also came with added tenderness. That’s what kept me in the game. It was the awe at how I kept finding just the right piece just before I really needed it and the resolve to stick with myself no matter what. It was the determination to learn to trust life and to turn what looked like a complete mess into something beautiful — again and again.
There were moments of deeply felt grief, having endured a long, intense spiritual and human journey. There were regrets and lingering physical scars and emotional wounds. And there was tenderness, something that was understood deep down to somehow be the whole point.
There was the understanding, in the brief moments of outer calm, that I had given up many things on this journey — but not this. I wouldn’t have been able to endure without this tenderness of spirit.
I wouldn’t have been able to be present in a world of challenges without having broken apart and come back together. I wouldn’t have been able to look at overwhelming challenges and destruction without knowing what is possible. I had been to the edge of destruction in my own way and had, against all odds, transformed — not with my own limited human self alone, but in cooperation with something much bigger that I didn’t quite understand.
At a certain point, it became clear that standing on the edge of destruction was only one way this thing could go. It was possible to be moved also by respect and compassion for having made it so far and the passion to prevent future suffering wherever I could. It was possible to nurture and allow the smallest spark of pure love to ignite.
All things were returned to their rightful place. Parts of self matured naturally with the unconditional presence held by those who had endured brokenness and the intimate process of putting the pieces back — having taken care to leave a tender space unfilled where it would have been easier to attempt to fill it up. What was once desperate attempts at survival became wisdom and loving self-restraint.
For the parts of me that have bravely carried on for the sake of survival, while feeling disconnected from the whole, I hold this silent prayer — knowing no words could compete with the sincerely felt presence, honor, and receptiveness held back for too long. Amen
For a time, everything reflected back a sense of disconnection, but there was a faded memory of a deeper truth just beneath the surface — a quiet prayer that, when held just lightly enough, began the gentle task of transformation. Life was returned to the sacred prayer it was meant to be. All things were held safely within this transformation into tenderness.
In connection with the purest love that is my true being, I hold this silent prayer in my deepest heart with purest intent and gratitude for all that has found its way to me and all that is becoming. Amen
Sometimes there were no words. And then somehow, mysteriously, worlds began to well up from somewhere beyond. A new kind of thought from a gentler place began to transform all that seemed unreachable. Gentle prayers began to take form out of the resolve to surrender everything — just to remember this place for a moment.
There came a desire to remain in this place within — just a little longer — no matter what appeared on the surface or how big the challenges seemed.
Transformation into tenderness meant being okay when life wasn’t all sorted out. It meant holding a space for all the words that, for whatever reason, just wouldn’t ever be spoken. It meant detaching with love and acceptance from all that had been left in the past, often without resolution — not knowing what would become of the tender ache left in its place — trusting it would become something beautiful.
When time seemed to
and the challenges were
too big for a fractured part
it became necessary to
There was a willingness
to keep my heart open to
the remembrance of
what I had come here
Life became a continuous,
delicate and sacred transformation