This Natural Peace

There was relief

in not needing

to fit

all of the pieces

of my heart

together

all at once.

I found comfort

in allowing life

to unfold

from within

and freedom

in experiencing myself

and others

in this natural state

of peace.

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Without Doubt

It became clear

that everything most

sacred

had come out of

a quiet prayer.

I knew,

without doubt,

that every single

real treasure

in my life had

come out of

an ever deepening

inner surrender —

a sinking down

and trusting in

my own true essence

a little more

completely.

Empty

I searched

and gathered

and carried

and tried

and learned

many things

in hope

of finding

and sharing

something that would

make some kind of

difference

or bring some kind

of relief.

And I found the deepest

kind of healing came

in setting it all down —

daring to show up

empty.

To Be Free

And so

I gathered up

all that had once

held me back,

all those

in-your-face

old triggers

that once caused

deep pain.

I gathered up all

the memories

of all the times

and all the present

stories and thoughts

of people

and situations

that were

dishonoring.

And with a prayer,

I flung it all

as far as I could —

to be recycled —

to be free.

The Most Loving Thing

There was tenderness

in the persistent way

pieces of my own heart

longed for understanding

and in the gentle way

they became willing

to surrender

the need to grasp —

to step outside

neatly sorted

concepts and ideas

and every place

that was comfortable

and guaranteed —

to toss it all up

again and again

because it was

the most loving thing.

In Trust

There were times

when the absolute best

I could do

was take the very next

needed step in trust

that the next

would appear

just as needed —

just as it had

always been.

And in-between these

small leaps of faith,

the voices of doubt grew

so much quieter

that I found myself

straining to hear —

as if their presence

could offer

any real security.

Funny, I had thought

they did.

Beautiful Emptiness

With all of the pieces

gathered up,

after having glimpsed

the true peace

at the bottom of

the deep abyss below,

I let go

of everything

and jumped.

I stopped seeking,

stopped questioning,

stopped trying

to know the exact right

way to do it.

This time,

I trusted the pieces

to fall where they needed

to fall.

And I held on

to the beautiful

emptiness in the very center

of my heart instead.