One day I got it that life isn’t supposed to get completely sorted out. I understood there is always a place of unsettledness. Who’s to say what and how much to sort through and surrender and how much to leave alone in the transformative state of raw tenderness?
I couldn’t help but look back on all the time and energy spent trying find someone or something to help me out of the mess in my head. I thought of all the countless dramas I had acted out in my life in hope of a solution to this unresolved trauma — my piece of the collective suffering.
Then I got it that at any point I could have seen that I was okay with where I was (because of course I was more okay than I knew). I could have identified with the healer in me, the totality of all of the parts of me that had struggled to find relief — not knowing they didn’t need to go it alone.
And so in that moment, I vowed to not waste one more bit of energy doing things that only tired me out, including all useless kinds of thinking. I vowed to keep my heart open to the quiet prayer within.
Sometimes enough is enough.
Laurie's Notes 
Paul Militaru says on April 3, 2018
🙂
LikeLike
MichelleMarie says on April 3, 2018
Oh and also there is relief in the middle of the messiness of life. Little breathers like being here reading your words always calm me and slow me down. I’m thankful for you and your sweet words. 🙏🏼💜 they are medicine for the soul 🌸💕
LikeLiked by 2 people
MichelleMarie says on April 5, 2018
I love your theme note. I really really love that a lot. 💕💕 you made me smile 😊
LikeLike
Laurie's Notes says on April 5, 2018
Lol. I’m still playing. I liked this other theme I had so I posted a sticky post on front, but I didn’t delete it .Lol 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
MichelleMarie says on April 6, 2018
Oh good. I like those notes 🤗❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Laurie's Notes says on April 6, 2018
😂😂😂
LikeLike
MichelleMarie says on April 17, 2018
I see color ❤
LikeLike
Laurie's Notes says on April 17, 2018
Haha
LikeLike
my one life. today says on May 2, 2018
“I could have identified with the healer in me”. I love this line. It’s very consoling in a way, even though more often than not I don’t quite manage to identify with my own healer but with the crazy messiness instead. Your post is a good reminder than we have within all we might need.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Laurie's Notes says on May 2, 2018
I see the messiness as part of the inner healer. It’s kind of tender. The mess is part of her so she can hold it deeply. .which is so honoring and healing.
LikeLiked by 2 people
my one life. today says on May 2, 2018
Hm… I struggle to see it as tender as more often than not it doesn’t feel like it. But maybe you’re right and it’s also its way of showing the way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Laurie's Notes says on May 2, 2018
It wasn’t always this way for me either ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people