Tag: anorexia recovery

Where There Is No Path

Continuing On, Unsorted November 16, 2019

I found there were many 

forks in the road,

many places to choose

to walk where there is

no path,

where pain is held, honored

and transformed again and again —

each time leaving a little more space

for the one thing strong enough

to balance the traces of pain inevitably

left over from often difficult journeys,

the one thing strong enough to hold all

of the pieces

of an authentic life —

the space within our hearts.

My Deepest Heart

Remembrance September 27, 2019

I began to notice moments

of unfolding tenderness.

It was okay if there were

challenging moments.

I had learned that experiences

were always transforming

and, like the wind,

could change course

in an instant.

And it was enough to know

I could, in any moment,

hold or allow myself to be carried

by the sweet, gentle breeze

of my deepest heart.

A Gentle Reconnection

Tenderness September 19, 2019

I intuitively understood

that if I was going to reconnect

with my heart,

I would need to risk setting down

old ways of coping

and moving through

a whole lot of fears.

What I had found was subtle

and tender, and i just knew

if I was to return to any form

of numbing or distraction,

I would miss something I wasn’t

willing to let go of again.

I had come too far.

And so the decision was made,

and that first step into

what I later called a prayer break

was taken.

The respite found immediately

was a vast contrast

to all of the striving and searching

and disconnect I had experienced.

I never turned back.

After a while my life existed within

an expanded prayer break,

a gentle reconnection 

with a deeper part of me

and a return to the natural flow

of life, which I experienced as

a continuous transformation into

tenderness.

This New Echo

Unsorted August 31, 2019

Somehow, a little beyond

what I had thought possible —

subtler than expected,

experiences in my own self

and in the world

began to soften.

Words flowed from a different

place and echoed long after

the brief moments I felt pulled

to write or remember.

It was a familiar kind of echo,

the kind of echo I had felt

from the difficult path that had

brought me to this point.

But this new echo,

this unending quiet prayer,

soothed and softened

places in my heart that had once

seemed unhealable

and carried me softly

toward a gentler path.

Somehow

Within the Mystery April 15, 2019

For a while

it seemed something had

gone terribly wrong.

I had lived through

much contrast and

overcome many challenges.

And yet part of me still felt unsafe

as the contrast continued.

Somehow, just like the very first time

I dared to stop and allow

all of the pieces I had been holding

a little too tightly

to fall around me,

I found the courage again

to gather up the pieces

and sink a little more deeply

into my heart —

taking one more step

into tenderness.

Something Beautiful

Tenderness March 4, 2019

Sometimes words and tears

didn’t come.

Sometimes standing

in the empty space where words

and tears should have been

was the exact right place.

It’s where I found the most

shattered parts of my heart,

dusted them off

with my very last bit

of strength,

and promised to somehow

fit the pieces together and make

something beautiful of the mess —

again.

Of course each time I

realized the impact

of the imperfect journey

and willingness to show up

in that very moment —

breaking through my fear

of getting it wrong,

shattering my heart a little more

and directing me back again

to tenderness.