Without Doubt

For a dear friend who asked me what I learned after a long recovery from anorexia

and for all of us —

 

I found that,

without a doubt,

who I am

is more than

this human body

and mind.

I know this,

not because I studied

with enlightened beings,

even though I did.

I know this because

I lived it.

That is the power

and tender treasure

in this human journey,

especially those

that involve

deep healing.

I found this human

being to be a part

of me

with many parts

of its own,

some that are beautiful

and easy to love

and some that are

more difficult.

I found my greatest

healing in holding,

honoring and letting go.

I found this was a natural

process.

I found the core

of who I am

is Love.

I found this Love

naturally reveals

just enough information

in each moment.

I found my symptoms

and outer triggers

to be, in fact,

pieces of information

along this sacred journey.

I came to see

this life

wasn’t just about

healing symptoms

and reaching goals.

It was about the journey

itself.

And I began to remember

just how sacred

life is.

I began to see

myself as connected

to all of it.

I found I was

connected in each moment

to a higher self

and to the whole.

There was no need

to search outside

of me

for that connection.

There was no need

to try so hard

to manifest much.

Whispers of

pure spirit,

nature,

and the connection

found in a handful

of deep friendships

were more satisfying

than anything else.

I found joy

in being in a creative,

sacred space

with others

and my Self —

that silent space

of Love.

This is interesting to note. This is the spiritual root of anorexia according to Louise Hay. The very first healer I met gave me her book.

ANOREXIA: Denying the self and life. Extreme fear of rejection.
Affirmation: It is safe for me. I am wonderful just as I am. I choose joy and self-acceptance.

http://keeperofbalance.blogspot.com/2015/05/louise-hay-list-of-illnesses.html

No Matter What

There was

a sense of connection

that couldn’t come

out of finally being

fully understood

on the surface.

It didn’t come out

of finally finding

all the answers

to endless questions.

It didn’t even really

come out

of anything

I had gathered

in my attempts

to find it.

This sense of connection

came out of

the whole journey —

through the pain of

rejection

and the willingness

to walk through

the unknown

in search of

whatever it was

I thought I was

reaching for.

But that was the strength

of the pure desire

to reach

and to know my own

true voice —

no matter what.

In Exchange for Beauty

My deepest posture

became one

of reverence.

I found my deepest

self could endure

much shaking

on the surface.

It could honor all

parts of the whole,

without clinging

to a set of ideas

I had thought

myself to be

for a while.

It was no longer

about winning.

It was about

finding a way through

a natural process,

where I had the

chance to participate

in my own evolution —

reaching for a hand —

encouraging others

through my willingness

to face

my own hidden pain

that was entangled

with theirs —

setting down

a false

sense of self

and bits of pride

in exchange for

natural beauty

and connection.

It was the hardest

and most simple thing.

Silent Spaces

On the journey

into my heart,

there were words

that couldn’t be written

or shared.

With each one

came a little more

letting go

and the understanding

that it was, in fact,

in the silent spaces,

held and known

in my own heart

alone,

that I found

the deepest connection,

meaning,

and desire to continue on.

I found comfort in knowing

that the words I did write

would always find

their way back

to the silent space

from which they emerged.