Tag: awakening

Against All Odds

Tenderness November 30, 2018

There were moments of deeply felt grief, having endured a long, intense spiritual and human journey. There were regrets and lingering physical scars and emotional wounds.  And there was tenderness, something that was understood deep down to somehow be the whole point.

There was the understanding, in the brief moments of outer calm, that I had given up many things on this journey — but not this. I wouldn’t have been able to endure without this tenderness of spirit.

I wouldn’t have been able to be present in a world of challenges without having broken apart and come back together. I wouldn’t have been able to look at overwhelming challenges and destruction without knowing what is possible. I had been to the edge of destruction in my own way and had, against all odds, transformed — not with my own limited human self alone, but in cooperation with something much bigger that I didn’t quite understand.

At a certain point, it became clear that standing on the edge of destruction was only one way this thing could go. It was possible to be moved also by respect and compassion for having made it so far and the passion to prevent future suffering wherever I could. It was possible to nurture and allow the smallest spark of pure love to ignite.

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Unfilled

Lessons From Anorexia, Unsorted November 28, 2018

All things were returned to their rightful place. Parts of self matured naturally with the unconditional presence held by those who had endured brokenness and the intimate process of putting the pieces back — having taken care to leave a tender space unfilled where it would have been easier to attempt to fill it up. What was once desperate attempts at survival became wisdom and loving self-restraint.

Always

Continuing On July 17, 2018

Sometimes the only thing

I knew to do

was to keep going,

which undoubtedly meant

surrendering to the creative flow

of life.

And so there was the

painful dropping of pieces

I had held so carefully

and an understanding

I seemed to have with God

that I would sometimes

hold on a little longer,

push ahead,

lose my center,

and struggle to find any

resemblance of grace.

But I would always keep going.

Keep Going

Continuing On July 16, 2018

Each time another challenge arose,

I was reminded of how

it could have been —

had I not allowed the process

of expanding to happen

so freely.

There was frustration as old

patterns and emotions were

brought to the surface,

and I was tempted to retreat–

just a little.

I learned to turn

inward and hold my ground —

refusing to quit before

the next tender place

was reached.

Sometimes my prayer sounded

more like a tired scream through

swallowed tears

than a comforting whisper.

But there was always

tenderness close by —

as I dared to keep going.

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Carefully Gathered and Released

Reflections July 7, 2018

The process of creating

involved a tender aching

of the heart

as carefully gathered pieces

were released back into

nothingnes, again,

and my heart dared to bear

the moment before they appeared

again, in a new way —

a little unexpectedly.

I understood, in those moments,

why it is tempting

not to endure this process,

at times,

reaching instead for a seemingly

less painful option.

♡ I’m  happy to say I just finished my 4th book, What Now. (Thank you, Michelle.)

https://lauriesnotes.com/my-book/