Tag: spirituality

Against All Odds

Tenderness November 30, 2018

There were moments of deeply felt grief, having endured a long, intense spiritual and human journey. There were regrets and lingering physical scars and emotional wounds.  And there was tenderness, something that was understood deep down to somehow be the whole point.

There was the understanding, in the brief moments of outer calm, that I had given up many things on this journey — but not this. I wouldn’t have been able to endure without this tenderness of spirit.

I wouldn’t have been able to be present in a world of challenges without having broken apart and come back together. I wouldn’t have been able to look at overwhelming challenges and destruction without knowing what is possible. I had been to the edge of destruction in my own way and had, against all odds, transformed — not with my own limited human self alone, but in cooperation with something much bigger that I didn’t quite understand.

At a certain point, it became clear that standing on the edge of destruction was only one way this thing could go. It was possible to be moved also by respect and compassion for having made it so far and the passion to prevent future suffering wherever I could. It was possible to nurture and allow the smallest spark of pure love to ignite.

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Without Doubt

Quieting February 7, 2017

For a dear friend who asked me what I learned after a long recovery from anorexia

and for all of us —

 

I found that,

without a doubt,

who I am

is more than

this human body

and mind.

I know this,

not because I studied

with enlightened beings,

even though I did.

I know this because

I lived it.

That is the power

and tender treasure

in this human journey,

especially those

that involve

deep healing.

I found this human

being to be a part

of me

with many parts

of its own,

some that are beautiful

and easy to love

and some that are

more difficult.

I found my greatest

healing in holding,

honoring and letting go.

I found this was a natural

process.

I found the core

of who I am

is Love.

I found this Love

naturally reveals

just enough information

in each moment.

I found my symptoms

and outer triggers

to be, in fact,

pieces of information

along this sacred journey.

I came to see

this life

wasn’t just about

healing symptoms

and reaching goals.

It was about the journey

itself.

And I began to remember

just how sacred

life is.

I began to see

myself as connected

to all of it.

I found I was

connected in each moment

to a higher self

and to the whole.

There was no need

to search outside

of me

for that connection.

There was no need

to try so hard

to manifest much.

Whispers of

pure spirit,

nature,

and the connection

found in a handful

of deep friendships

were more satisfying

than anything else.

I found joy

in being in a creative,

sacred space

with others

and my Self —

that silent space

of Love.

This is interesting to note. This is the spiritual root of anorexia according to Louise Hay. The very first healer I met gave me her book.

ANOREXIA: Denying the self and life. Extreme fear of rejection.
Affirmation: It is safe for me. I am wonderful just as I am. I choose joy and self-acceptance.

http://keeperofbalance.blogspot.com/2015/05/louise-hay-list-of-illnesses.html

Free

Reflections October 15, 2016

One day

I looked inside,

expecting to see

the desperate searching,

the longing to fit,

the crying out

and pushing down –

the one who struggled

to piece it all together.

But on this day,

I found none of it.

I realized I had it

backwards before.

All of these pieces

weren’t really meant

to fit neatly together

at all.

They were meant

to be free.