Tag: hope

Again

Holding November 1, 2020

It was difficult to hold

many things.

It was difficult to comprehend

that the world wasn’t

how it appeared on the surface.

I had known that at an early age

and had continued on.

It was disheartening to know

and be unable to be heard —

as so many times before.

Yet I remained thankful for strength

to hold it all anyway —

and to remain connected

to God and to my heart

this time

and to welcome new friends

and new experiences

as I learned to notice

and nurture the smallest

bit of hope and pure joy

again.

Unseen

Continuing On, Unsorted August 30, 2020

Just when I thought

there was no hope,

just when darkness seemed

to have won,

I learned something surprising.

I learned this was the perfect

set up for an equal and opposite

surge of light

that would outshine every last

bit of darkness.

And once lit,

nothing could put it out

What was seen could never be

unseen.

The Process of Awakening

Unsorted April 15, 2020

I found it was possible

to navigate through

the process of awakening into

our own true being.

I understood the courage to face fear

and pain

this required,

while at the same time

navigating through extreme challenges

in the physical world.

It wasn’t easy,

but it was possible.

It was possible to hold my ground

and find a way through.

It was possible to observe and understand

what was indeed happening

in darkness,

to resolve to hold a place of light,

to stand up or speak out when necessary,

and to offer love and forgiveness

where it seemed impossible to do so.

The necessary steps seemed

unclear at times —

only to become clearer

as they appeared.

It required trust, creativity

and the courage to try one more

one more time.

Just Enough

Quieting, Unsorted March 15, 2019

I found journies of the heart

can be difficult.

It was easy to become

discouraged and a little more

difficult to feel my way forward

and through leftover debris from

early challenges

and to become willing to stand

alone with God.

Each time I felt I couldn’t take

another step,

life somehow showed

just enough tenderness

to inspire one more.

Only This

Tenderness March 13, 2019

Each time I seemed

to fall back down,

I wondered how I would ever

find the strength to rise again.

There were times

of integration when I would

somehow lose my footing

and in a little bit of panic

seem to lose my way

and cry out,

which never went particularly well —

to put it mildly.

There was, in these times,

a quiet, wordless  prayer

inside my heart.

Often it was the only thing

left to hold on to.

No matter how great the

contrast between what I felt

in my heart

and what appeared in front of me

and in my cluttered mind,

I continued on —

declaring once more,

perhaps with more conviction,

If the only reprieve to be found

is in my heart space

with this one continuous

quiet prayer,

then I will hold

only this.

A Love Nothing Could Touch

Tenderness February 22, 2019

It was a little risky to dare to understand tenderness. It meant first knowing the opposite. It meant knowing bitter coldness and disconnect, the only way out being back through painful layers of healing as each healed layer began to let in a little more light of hope and courage to continue on. Aiming to get to a future place or remaining stuck in past stories became courage to drop more deeply into the present. It was an extreme path — the result being the capacity to hold and love the most traumatized parts of the human experience. There was accumulated trauma from painful attempts to heal the original trauma, and there was a love and compassion nothing could ever touch or take away.