It was the subtle release into a gentle flow that taught me how to soften. Relief came each time I found just enough courage to listen and to soften my own heart a little more.
It came in the quiet pauses just before words of comfort began to form and lingered sweetly — forever.
As I looked back
on the long journey,
the thought came
that if I had to choose
a place to start again,
I would go back
to the first time
I was moved
to trust
my own heart —
when there was nothing
left to try
except to drop everything
and find out
what was left.
I would start again
from there.
— Laurie, What Now
I began to notice small moments of natural tenderness and a faint whisper of a wordless prayer in my heart. It was the opposite of the struggle to push away pain and impossible to ignore because I had known such huge contrast.
After a while, it was most natural to remain open to experiences and the slightest sign or hint of the beginnings of tenderness.
There was a willingness to show up in each new moment — letting go a little more of the continuous narration of mind — a deeper surrender into the silent space of What Now? It took a bit of adjusting to the inner quiet — a retuning to more subtle thoughts and experiences.
What Now wasn’t bound to old storylines. It was a place of possibilities and seeing from a higher view — where I was free to listen to and follow a quiet prayer instead.
The more I listened to life, the more I noticed the part of me that could hold and let go of any experience. There was a softening each time I stood a little more firmly in my heart and dared to linger in the silent space.
Words formed out of this place soothed and echoed in places that had seemed unhealable. And there was tenderness where there had been only pain.
There was a
softening
of the story
on the surface,
a gentle resetting.
The default emotion
become one of
peace,
the very thing
my heart had
longed for
and called me to.
There was a more
natural connection
with all of life,
a gentle unfolding
of the quiet prayer
within my heart.
Silent pauses became
welcome parts
of the relaxation into
a gentler way
of being.
May we find
a place of
stillness within.
And may we
live
from this place.
Amen
I found my deepest
peace
in turning
down the volume
around me
and within
just enough
so that I could
feel
my own quiet
prayer.
And so I always
returned to
this.
I return to the purity
of this place,
this strange stillness
where thoughts form
out of nothingness
in answer to questions
yet to be asked,
in response to
longings not yet felt —
where all roads lead
right back
here.
For a dear friend who asked me what I learned after a long recovery from anorexia
and for all of us —
I found that,
without a doubt,
who I am
is more than
this human body
and mind.
I know this,
not because I studied
with enlightened beings,
even though I did.
I know this because
I lived it.
That is the power
and tender treasure
in this human journey,
especially those
that involve
deep healing.
I found this human
being to be a part
of me
with many parts
of its own,
some that are beautiful
and easy to love
and some that are
more difficult.
I found my greatest
healing in holding,
honoring and letting go.
I found this was a natural
process.
I found the core
of who I am
is Love.
I found this Love
naturally reveals
just enough information
in each moment.
I found my symptoms
and outer triggers
to be, in fact,
pieces of information
along this sacred journey.
I came to see
this life
wasn’t just about
healing symptoms
and reaching goals.
It was about the journey
itself.
And I began to remember
just how sacred
life is.
I began to see
myself as connected
to all of it.
I found I was
connected in each moment
to a higher self
and to the whole.
There was no need
to search outside
of me
for that connection.
There was no need
to try so hard
to manifest much.
Whispers of
pure spirit,
nature,
and the connection
found in a handful
of deep friendships
were more satisfying
than anything else.
I found joy
in being in a creative,
sacred space
with others
and my Self —
that silent space
of Love.
Laurie's Notes 