Tag: anorexia

From a Quiet Space

Remembrance, Unsorted January 31, 2019

Writing in the moment

began as a way of telling

the story of past healing

and quickly became a way

of moving through present challenges,

flowing new kinds of thoughts

from a quiet space within —

remaining open to the possibility

that new kinds of thoughts

and feelings could begin to be

reflected.

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The Quiet Space Within

Tenderness January 29, 2019

Writing became a meditation,

an easily accessible way

to connect with a truer sense

of self —

in any moment.

My notes became precious tickets

back to parts of self

and back into the world.

Even after I reached a point

where I could safely let go,

translating lived experience

into words continued to be

a ticket into the quiet space within

I wouldn’t have traded

for an easier path.

Finding Calm

Tenderness January 28, 2019

And so the unfolding continued,

along with challenges.

It took a bit of reorientation

into finding calm

in the midst of challenge,

but it was possible.

Finding creative ways of

meeting challenges and triggers

head on and moving through

quickly became a valued skill.

It helped to be okay

with having a tender space within

where it was understood

that some things might not ever

be completely resolved.

It helped to understand the difference

between resolution and transformation.

This quickly shifted the focus

onto the tenderness of meeting

the present moment without attachment

to future results.

It helped to remember that it was

this tender space that had

been the source of past healing

and creative processes.

Something Beautiful

Tenderness, Unsorted December 2, 2018

There was a longing for some missed step along the way, some kind of orientation to life or honoring of the intensity of the spiritual journey that didn’t happen soon enough. And so finding my way back to where I could sense a loving higher self had been a long, tedious journey.

The process of gathering up fractured parts of self came with its own kind of heartache. Somehow, thankfully, it also came with added tenderness. That’s what kept me in the game. It was the awe at how I kept finding just the right piece just before I really needed it and the resolve to stick with myself no matter what.  It was the determination  to learn to trust life and to turn what looked like a complete mess into something beautiful — again and again.

Transformation into Tenderness

Unsorted August 5, 2018

I found it worked best

to connect with parts of me

that needed attention.

I learned I could hold these parts

without needing them to change.

The first time I noticed I could, in fact,

affect my experience in the world

in a gentle way —

without analyzing or retraumatizing —

without a desperate search,

I had no more need for

less effective ways of coping

that had served to carry me

to a safer place.

Whatever appeared as a reflection

to this safe place within

would be enough.

And when the the outer experience

didn’t match what was felt in my heart,

I held my ground.

It wasn’t always comfortable,

but it was a continuous,

delicate and sacred transformation

into tenderness.

Within the Stillness of My Self

Tenderness April 30, 2018

There was a continuous movement within the stillness of my true Self. It was the softening of all parts of me that had felt separate and lost in repetitive cycles of emotional pain.

I had reached the place of enough is enough and decided to find my way to tenderness. Tenderness came out of the realization I was reliving the exact same old pain I had vowed to never feel again. It came out of the last bit of gathered strength to try one more time to hold and honor it instead.

A Gentler Way

Reflections March 31, 2018

For a while, parts of me did their best to survive. The noise created in my mind served as a way to focus away from attempts to sort out what couldn’t be processed completely from that place. Had I been able to access more highly consious parts of me, I would have been shown a gentler way.

In truth, I was shown this gentler way, but needed to reach a place where I could hear more clearly. I needed to step out of that seemingly separate and fractured self.

There, in the sacred space of my true Self,  instead of struggling against parts of the whole, I became healer of my own heart.

Gently

Quieting March 24, 2018

I found there had always been a quiet prayer within my heart. It had been covered up for a while by the noise of the world and the noise within.

It was there each time I dared not to listen to the endless chatter of mind and allowed my attention to land on the space beyond objects and subtle energies within. It appeared gently, as a whisper — like a subtle breeze I might have easily missed.