Tag: anorexia

A Little Less Broken

Soothing March 28, 2019

After a while

a gentler way through the winding

roads of this human journey

became a little clearer

as the pieces of my own

shattered heart began to appear

a little less broken

and a little more like unpolished

treasures entrusted to my care.

I was never without

connection with a deeper space

within the greater whole,

though it seemed

to dance around a bit

through different forms

and natural things —

reaching back again —

softly touching the tender,

hidden spaces I once tried

to resolve.

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This Space Within My Heart

Soothing March 16, 2019

It made no difference

how many times I seemed

to lose my footing.

It didn’t matter how many

times I fell.

After a while,

I understood I could

always find my way again.

After a while, I realized

I was, in fact,

this space within my heart.

I came to understand I had

survived something difficult

and landed in a lower vibration —

for a while

where the sound of my soul

seemed faint.

But I could find my way

again.

A Love Nothing Could Touch

Tenderness February 22, 2019

It was a little risky to dare to understand tenderness. It meant first knowing the opposite. It meant knowing bitter coldness and disconnect, the only way out being back through painful layers of healing as each healed layer began to let in a little more light of hope and courage to continue on. Aiming to get to a future place or remaining stuck in past stories became courage to drop more deeply into the present. It was an extreme path — the result being the capacity to hold and love the most traumatized parts of the human experience. There was accumulated trauma from painful attempts to heal the original trauma, and there was a love and compassion nothing could ever touch or take away.

The Quiet Space Within

Tenderness January 29, 2019

Writing became a meditation,

an easily accessible way

to connect with a truer sense

of self —

in any moment.

My notes became precious tickets

back to parts of self

and back into the world.

Even after I reached a point

where I could safely let go,

translating lived experience

into words continued to be

a ticket into the quiet space within

I wouldn’t have traded

for an easier path.

Finding Calm

Tenderness January 28, 2019

And so the unfolding continued,

along with challenges.

It took a bit of reorientation

into finding calm

in the midst of challenge,

but it was possible.

Finding creative ways of

meeting challenges and triggers

head on and moving through

quickly became a valued skill.

It helped to be okay

with having a tender space within

where it was understood

that some things might not ever

be completely resolved.

It helped to understand the difference

between resolution and transformation.

This quickly shifted the focus

onto the tenderness of meeting

the present moment without attachment

to future results.

It helped to remember that it was

this tender space that had

been the source of past healing

and creative processes.

Something Beautiful

Tenderness, Unsorted December 2, 2018

There was a longing for some missed step along the way, some kind of orientation to life or honoring of the intensity of the spiritual journey that didn’t happen soon enough. And so finding my way back to where I could sense a loving higher self had been a long, tedious journey.

The process of gathering up fractured parts of self came with its own kind of heartache. Somehow, thankfully, it also came with added tenderness. That’s what kept me in the game. It was the awe at how I kept finding just the right piece just before I really needed it and the resolve to stick with myself no matter what.  It was the determination  to learn to trust life and to turn what looked like a complete mess into something beautiful — again and again.

Transformation into Tenderness

Unsorted August 5, 2018

I found it worked best

to connect with parts of me

that needed attention.

I learned I could hold these parts

without needing them to change.

The first time I noticed I could, in fact,

affect my experience in the world

in a gentle way —

without analyzing or retraumatizing —

without a desperate search,

I had no more need for

less effective ways of coping

that had served to carry me

to a safer place.

Whatever appeared as a reflection

to this safe place within

would be enough.

And when the the outer experience

didn’t match what was felt in my heart,

I held my ground.

It wasn’t always comfortable,

but it was a continuous,

delicate and sacred transformation

into tenderness.