Quiet Reflections and Prayers
I had stood
on the edge.
I had looked darkness
in the face.
I had searched
my own soul
down to the core
and held the tiniest
point of light.
And I had grown
tired.
I had screamed
and cried.
And I had
given up —
for a while.
I had found comfort
and regathered
my heart
in pieces
and yes,
prayed —
to whoever could hear —
again.
I had listened
to whoever dared
to share
anything that resembled
what I had known
and let go of
and knew again
in that moment —
without a doubt.
I found
all those old
longings to be seen
and understood
and invisible
and left alone
and right
and all that other
Stuff
had actually been
multiple sides
of the same longing for
my own whole
Self.
When I was connected,
I found life to be
a little less
conditional
and a lot more
fun.
I found a lightness
I had forgotten
and remembered
somewhere
along the way.
I was thankful
for all that had
led me around
and through
to that exact
point —
though I could offer it
no words.
I was thankful
to know
we were all
evolving.
I was honored
to continue on —
to focus
a little more sweetly
on where we were
going.
I knew it was
a really tender place.
And I knew it was
a tender place
right where we stood.
I will sit
with you
in this place —
for I know
the heaviness
in your heart
as it is also in mine.
And my arms reach
wide enough
to hold us
both.
I will hold us both
in this place —
where we are
free —
for as long
as we need.
I let go
of all that is
outside of me
in the same way
I let go of
all that is
within —
lightly holding
and letting go —
in moving stillness.
I return to the purity
of this place,
this strange stillness
where thoughts form
out of nothingness
in answer to questions
yet to be asked,
in response to
longings not yet felt —
where all roads lead
right back
here.
And so the healing
began,
the gathering
of my very
heart,
the not knowing
just how
the pieces fit or
even if they
did.
And then it seemed
to matter less
how the puzzle went
than the love
I found there
beneath the pieces.
I found
that no matter what,
I was a flexible,
creative,
evolving being.
I could let go
of thoughts
and stories,
while honoring
all that had
brought me to each
new moment.
No matter what,
I was connected
with the part of me
that was
most whole.
No matter what,
I could easily follow
my attention
until my most natural
position was
within the quiet prayer
of my heart.
There was a different
quality of thought
that appeared
out of the emptiness
left behind
as I dared
to drop old
scattered thoughts
and reflections.
After a while,
this became
a natural way
of being in my heart
and in the world.
There was a kind of
self discipline
and loving restraint,
a quiet encouragement
to acknowledge
and look away
from old ways
and focus instead
on what was
already present —
holding space
for even more healing —
within my heart.
Healing my heart was
a subtle shift,
an honoring
of what was
there,
a light holding
and letting go —
a gentle transformation
into a new perspective
of what was
already.
Laurie's Notes 