Tag: prayer

Again

Holding November 1, 2020

It was difficult to hold

many things.

It was difficult to comprehend

that the world wasn’t

how it appeared on the surface.

I had known that at an early age

and had continued on.

It was disheartening to know

and be unable to be heard —

as so many times before.

Yet I remained thankful for strength

to hold it all anyway —

and to remain connected

to God and to my heart

this time

and to welcome new friends

and new experiences

as I learned to notice

and nurture the smallest

bit of hope and pure joy

again.

God’s Whisper

Lessons From Anorexia June 30, 2020

Out of necessity,

I learned things weren’t

what they appeared to be

on the surface.

I learned the importance of

looking deeper, listening,

and following

that quiet whisper of a prayer

inside my heart —

after a desperate attempt

to separate myself from myself

and the pain of separation became

more painful than any other scenario.

I learned to look just beneath the surface

and hold on to God’s whisper

when it became necessary

to stand alone.

And so I am forever grateful

for the lessons learned

on the way back to my heart.

A Gentle Reconnection

Tenderness September 19, 2019

I intuitively understood

that if I was going to reconnect

with my heart,

I would need to risk setting down

old ways of coping

and moving through

a whole lot of fears.

What I had found was subtle

and tender, and i just knew

if I was to return to any form

of numbing or distraction,

I would miss something I wasn’t

willing to let go of again.

I had come too far.

And so the decision was made,

and that first step into

what I later called a prayer break

was taken.

The respite found immediately

was a vast contrast

to all of the striving and searching

and disconnect I had experienced.

I never turned back.

After a while my life existed within

an expanded prayer break,

a gentle reconnection 

with a deeper part of me

and a return to the natural flow

of life, which I experienced as

a continuous transformation into

tenderness.

Ever So Slightly

From A Quiet Prayer, Unsorted September 19, 2019

Somehow I had dared

to listen to the quiet prayer

in my heart.

I had tried and exhausted

every other option

in my search for peace.

Truthfully, there was really

no better option.

It was shocking at first to,

in a sense, start over again

in my search.

But I began to sense a natural

peace within me and allow

this peace to expand — ever so slightly.

It was a sensing from within,

a quiet prayer from a deeper me.

It didn’t matter so much if things appeared

peaceful on the surface.

It didn’t depend on my body

or mind being still.

What mattered was my

willingness to show up just

as I was and to be with whatever

met me there.

Back into Tenderness

Tenderness, Unsorted September 10, 2019

There was a settling in

to the rhythm of the once faint

quiet prayer in my heart.

Of course it was extremely difficult

to stay centered

and often impossible to be as

graceful on the surface

as the prayer in my heart.

But I did my best to release

my hold on how I thought

this life should unfold,

understanding that contrast was

in fact part of the game.

And I allowed myself to be

carried through contrast and

challenges —

back into tenderness.

This New Echo

Unsorted August 31, 2019

Somehow, a little beyond

what I had thought possible —

subtler than expected,

experiences in my own self

and in the world

began to soften.

Words flowed from a different

place and echoed long after

the brief moments I felt pulled

to write or remember.

It was a familiar kind of echo,

the kind of echo I had felt

from the difficult path that had

brought me to this point.

But this new echo,

this unending quiet prayer,

soothed and softened

places in my heart that had once

seemed unhealable

and carried me softly

toward a gentler path.