Quiet Reflections and Prayers
Perhaps the most painful lesson
on the journey
was allowing things to be
unresolved —
unsorted.
It was a little different than
giving in. It was definitely not
giving up., but I had to learn
to hold a place for all that was unsettled —
trusting in previous lessons learned
about truth and love and the fluidity
of all states —
knowing beyond all doubt that
there was tenderness in this place.
It took a strong kind
of spirit,
brave souls who had prepared
to hold love and shine light
above all else —
daring to stand apart from the crowd
though their hearts ached —
honoring and assisting the difficult task
of evolution —
the delicate transformation
into tenderness.
I found reprieve in
the remembrance of the quiet peace
ever present within my deepest heart.
I found a willingness to listen
a little deeper —
to observe a little longer —
to be carried and
set back down gently
in the present moment
where there was tenderness.
After a while, it was difficult
to see how I could have moved
through life in any other way.
For a while
it seemed something had
gone terribly wrong.
I had lived through
much contrast and
overcome many challenges.
And yet part of me still felt unsafe
as the contrast continued.
Somehow, just like the very first time
I dared to stop and allow
all of the pieces I had been holding
a little too tightly
to fall around me,
I found the courage again
to gather up the pieces
and sink a little more deeply
into my heart —
taking one more step
into tenderness.
For a time,
everything reflected back
a sense of disconnection,
but there was a faded memory
of a deeper truth
just beneath the surface —
a quiet prayer that,
when held just lightly enough,
began the gentle task
of transformation.
Life was returned
to the sacred prayer
it was meant to be.
All things were held safely
within this transformation
into tenderness.
In connection with the purest love that is my true being, I hold this silent prayer in my deepest heart with purest intent and gratitude for all that has found its way to me and all that is becoming. Amen
Transformation into tenderness meant being okay when life wasn’t all sorted out. It meant holding a space for all the words that, for whatever reason, just wouldn’t ever be spoken. It meant detaching with love and acceptance from all that had been left in the past, often without resolution — not knowing what would become of the tender ache left in its place — trusting it would become something beautiful.
When time seemed to
speed up
and the challenges were
too big for a fractured part
of self,
it became necessary to
evolve.
There was a willingness
to keep my heart open to
the remembrance of
what I had come here
to share.
Life became a continuous,
delicate and sacred transformation
into tenderness.
I found it worked best
to connect with parts of me
that needed attention.
I learned I could hold these parts
without needing them to change.
The first time I noticed I could, in fact,
affect my experience in the world
in a gentle way —
without analyzing or retraumatizing —
without a desperate search,
I had no more need for
less effective ways of coping
that had served to carry me
to a safer place.
Whatever appeared as a reflection
to this safe place within
would be enough.
And when the the outer experience
didn’t match what was felt in my heart,
I held my ground.
It wasn’t always comfortable,
but it was a continuous,
delicate and sacred transformation
into tenderness.
It was the small miracles,
the quiet inspirations, that kept my heart
pressing on long enough
to find a path that didn’t lead
further away from itself.
It was the gentle, comforting way
words formed out of nothingness
and courage was found
to look challenges in the face —
knowing the transformative power
of surrender first hand.
It was the remembrance of the
turning away from my own heart
and that first step
taken to find a way back.
Laurie's Notes 