Tag: eating disorder recovery

Without a Doubt

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The delicate process of holding on,

letting go, and reaching without grasping

led to a gentler path.

There I learned the value of

tenderness and became willing to

set down many things in exchange for

a deeper connection with life.

I knew without a doubt that

whatever appeared would eventually lead

back to a tender place in my own heart.

And so I became willing to bear the ache

of leftover traces of unhealed and

unresolved experiences —

willing to be in this place where there are

no guarantees —

willing to show up in each moment

with a quiet prayer and renewed reverence

for the sacred journey,

however it unfolded.

Hope for the Best

Laurie's Notes1 Comment

I learned to focus

and remain centered within

my heart.

I found respite in the sacredness

when the world around me seemed

unreachable,

and I couldn’t seem

to bridge the gap between my inner

experience and the outer chaos.

The harder I tried,

the bigger it became.

I remembered back to times before

when the only solution I could see

was to let go of my heart

in order to survive and somehow

manage to fit in.

But this time I had traveled too far

and learned too much.

And so the only thing to do,

having reached the end of the path,

was to stand still right there in my heart,

in the middle of the chaos,

and hope for the best.

A Little Magic

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I found a little magic

in the reclaimed ability to transform

all that was painful

into something tender.

It was each momentary remembrance

of the first time

I dared to turn down the noise

around me and inside

that carried me gently back

to my heart again

and again.

It was the courage to stand

in the quiet space within

just a little longer,

allowing all that was unsorted

and unhealed

to be held without condition

just a little more deeply

that attuned me

to the continuous quiet prayer

in my heart

and reconnected me

to my soul.

Every Single Time

Laurie's Notes2 Comments

There came a time

when it didn’t matter

how many lies were spoken

or if they were repeated

by every single person around me.

My love of truth had grown so great

and my determination to

move in the direction of truth

and to never again be disconnected

from my own true Self had become

just what I do.

I had learned to respond to my own

inner reality and to create

from there.

Of course the darkness was

difficult to walk through.

And I admit I wasn’t always graceful.

But I reminded myself in the darkest

of times that without fail, every single time

I faced the path ahead and walked it

all the way,

all I remembered was the incredible light

and magic I had experienced.

Whatever Was Required

Laurie's Notes3 Comments

There was a time when

the vast contrast between

what I knew to be true

in my heart

and what I observed in the world

around me was too painful to hold,

and I choose

to surrender my heart.

And then there came a time when

the pain of being separated

from my heart

and the very real effect of

a withering soul taken over

by darkness

gave rise to something surprising —

a renewed spirit that had no need

for any kind of attachment

to deception —

a whole spirit unafraid to face,

hold or let go of whatever appeared —

whatever was required.

My Deepest Heart

Laurie's Notes4 Comments

I began to notice moments

of unfolding tenderness.

It was okay if there were

challenging moments.

I had learned that experiences

were always transforming

and, like the wind,

could change course

in an instant.

And it was enough to know

I could, in any moment,

hold or allow myself to be carried

by the sweet, gentle breeze

of my deepest heart.

From My Heart

Laurie's Notes2 Comments

With a little practice,

I found gentler ways

of allowing

myself to be guided

from my heart.

Things that had seemed

overwhelming before

became mysteries

to unravel.

I began to get

a feel for this

gentler way

as little by little,

a bit slower at first,

I began to

notice and act

on clear insights

that led me

to one needed piece

and the next.

Still Here

Laurie's Notes2 Comments

I have gathered thoughts

and tossed them

many times —

following the words

again and again

all the way back

to silence.

I have waited patiently

for insight —

only to watch it fade.

I have gone 

my own way,

taken each step

as a part

of the mystery.

I have gotten lost

and found

many treasures.

I have traced my

own Self

back to nothing.

And I am

still here.

A Gentler Way

Laurie's Notes2 Comments

The time came

to find a gentler way,

to turn back

from the path of mind —

retracing my steps

just a little.

…

At first it felt

a bit lonely,

as there seemed to be

fewer taking this turn.

And I admit I missed

the crowds at times

and the paved roads

and maps.

…

But as I walked this

strangely familiar path

unfolding in front of me,

I began to remember

what it felt like

to walk on the earth,

to be free to notice

and allow my attention

to fall where it liked,

to experience the world

around me

and inside of me

without a constant

narrating mind.

…

And sure enough,

just as I had guessed,

I was okay

in this place —

where everything was

as it had been —

feelings and sensations

and challenges

and thoughts.

But without the narrator,

without the constant story,

they had taken on a

lighter feel,

softened somehow —

along this path

of the heart.