Tag: eating disorder recovery

Every Single Time

Tenderness, Unsorted September 25, 2020

There came a time

when it didn’t matter

how many lies were spoken

or if they were repeated

by every single person around me.

My love of truth had grown so great

and my determination to

move in the direction of truth

and to never again be disconnected

from my own true Self had become

just what I do.

I had learned to respond to my own

inner reality and to create

from there.

Of course the darkness was

difficult to walk through.

And I admit I wasn’t always graceful.

But I reminded myself in the darkest

of times that without fail, every single time

I faced the path ahead and walked it

all the way,

all I remembered was the incredible light

and magic I had experienced.

God’s Whisper

Lessons From Anorexia June 30, 2020

Out of necessity,

I learned things weren’t

what they appeared to be

on the surface.

I learned the importance of

looking deeper, listening,

and following

that quiet whisper of a prayer

inside my heart —

after a desperate attempt

to separate myself from myself

and the pain of separation became

more painful than any other scenario.

I learned to look just beneath the surface

and hold on to God’s whisper

when it became necessary

to stand alone.

And so I am forever grateful

for the lessons learned

on the way back to my heart.

Whatever Was Required

Lessons From Anorexia, Unsorted June 30, 2020

There was a time when

the vast contrast between

what I knew to be true

in my heart

and what I observed in the world

around me was too painful to hold,

and I choose

to surrender my heart.

And then there came a time when

the pain of being separated

from my heart

and the very real effect of

a withering soul taken over

by darkness

gave rise to something surprising —

a renewed spirit that had no need

for any kind of attachment

to deception —

a whole spirit unafraid to face,

hold or let go of whatever appeared —

whatever was required.

My Deepest Heart

Remembrance September 27, 2019

I began to notice moments

of unfolding tenderness.

It was okay if there were

challenging moments.

I had learned that experiences

were always transforming

and, like the wind,

could change course

in an instant.

And it was enough to know

I could, in any moment,

hold or allow myself to be carried

by the sweet, gentle breeze

of my deepest heart.

A Gentler Way

Reflections September 13, 2016

The time came

to find a gentler way,

to turn back

from the path of mind —

retracing my steps

just a little.

At first it felt

a bit lonely,

as there seemed to be

fewer taking this turn.

And I admit I missed

the crowds at times

and the paved roads

and maps.

But as I walked this

strangely familiar path

unfolding in front of me,

I began to remember

what it felt like

to walk on the earth,

to be free to notice

and allow my attention

to fall where it liked,

to experience the world

around me

and inside of me

without a constant

narrating mind.

And sure enough,

just as I had guessed,

I was okay

in this place —

where everything was

as it had been —

feelings and sensations

and challenges

and thoughts.

But without the narrator,

without the constant story,

they had taken on a

lighter feel,

softened somehow —

along this path

of the heart.