With one more last sliver of courage,
hoping for the best
and being willing to face whatever appeared,
I vowed to continue on —
settling in a little more deeply —
holding what was right there
in front of me,
as best I could —
embracing each new moment
as a prayer.
All things were returned to their rightful place. Parts of self matured naturally with the unconditional presence held by those who had endured brokenness and the intimate process of putting the pieces back — having taken care to leave a tender space unfilled where it would have been easier to attempt to fill it up. What was once desperate attempts at survival became wisdom and loving self-restraint.
What Now became
a choice in each moment,
the courage to release
everything held
so carefully for so long —
again and again.
It was the conviction
to stand firmly
in a space of not knowing —
the willingness to loosen
my grip on life —
the choice to wait for inspiration
and higher thoughts.
As I looked back
on the long journey,
the thought came
that if I had to choose
a place to start again,
I would go back
to the first time
I was moved
to trust
my own heart —
when there was nothing
left to try
except to drop everything
and find out
what was left.
I would start again
from there.
— Laurie, What Now
And so the decision was made
to continue on.
There was no room
in that moment
for regret or any other
cluttering thought.
There was silent understanding
in each open heart
that the time had come
to listen a little more deeply
and speak a little more
intently from here.
Lead me gently
as I continue on.
Help me to show up
in each moment
with an open heart —
to experience what is
here —
knowing the connection
with my own
inner healer
in each moment —
trusting the ultimate
care of others
to their own —
remembering
the tenderness
and honor
in being a part
of this continuing
mystery
and of this great
love.
Amen
There was something
quietly satisfying
in showing up
without a mask,
without the constant
narrating mind.
Perceiving became
observing
and honoring
from a little higher
place.
Actions happened
naturally.
But it was the
space,
both expanding
outward
and anchoring me
in that moment,
that pulled me
ever so gently
toward my next needed
step.
I found
what’s right here
is more real
and more beautiful
than any idea
of some future
or past
perfect state.
Help us to hold
what is here.
Amen
I found myself within
a beautiful motion
of holding
and letting go,
allowing attention
to land
where it pleased,
sometimes pausing —
always continuing —
unattached to labels
or the need to
connect all of the dots
too soon —
holding and honoring
all that crossed
my path
as this most natural
rhythm began to feel
more and more
like home —
letting go into
my own deepest heart.
This peace comes
from the courage
to be present
right here –
where there are
many thoughts
and many distractions –
where there is acceptance
of all of this,
where all is surrounded
in love,
mixed up together –
somehow, mysteriously
becoming
beautiful as it is.
— from earlier notes
Laurie's Notes 