Tag: awakening

Something Beautiful

Tenderness March 4, 2019

Sometimes words and tears

didn’t come.

Sometimes standing

in the empty space where words

and tears should have been

was the exact right place.

It’s where I found the most

shattered parts of my heart,

dusted them off

with my very last bit

of strength,

and promised to somehow

fit the pieces together and make

something beautiful of the mess —

again.

Of course each time I

realized the impact

of the imperfect journey

and willingness to show up

in that very moment —

breaking through my fear

of getting it wrong,

shattering my heart a little more

and directing me back again

to tenderness.

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From a Quiet Space

Remembrance, Unsorted January 31, 2019

Writing in the moment

began as a way of telling

the story of past healing

and quickly became a way

of moving through present challenges,

flowing new kinds of thoughts

from a quiet space within —

remaining open to the possibility

that new kinds of thoughts

and feelings could begin to be

reflected.

Within the Unfolding

Continuing On January 21, 2019

Life continued to unfold.

With the reconnection

to a deeper sense of self

came a lingering sadness

for the difficult path

traveled in order to reach

a more expanded view

and for the equally difficult

path of awakening

of the greater whole.

Becoming more at ease within

the unfolding took a little bit

of getting used to.

It helped to remember

to remain in the sacred space

of the present moment —

where spirit, body,

and higher mind were joined —

where reprieve and healing

had been found so many times.

Against All Odds

Tenderness November 30, 2018

There were moments of deeply felt grief, having endured a long, intense spiritual and human journey. There were regrets and lingering physical scars and emotional wounds.  And there was tenderness, something that was understood deep down to somehow be the whole point.

There was the understanding, in the brief moments of outer calm, that I had given up many things on this journey — but not this. I wouldn’t have been able to endure without this tenderness of spirit.

I wouldn’t have been able to be present in a world of challenges without having broken apart and come back together. I wouldn’t have been able to look at overwhelming challenges and destruction without knowing what is possible. I had been to the edge of destruction in my own way and had, against all odds, transformed — not with my own limited human self alone, but in cooperation with something much bigger that I didn’t quite understand.

At a certain point, it became clear that standing on the edge of destruction was only one way this thing could go. It was possible to be moved also by respect and compassion for having made it so far and the passion to prevent future suffering wherever I could. It was possible to nurture and allow the smallest spark of pure love to ignite.

Unfilled

Lessons From Anorexia, Unsorted November 28, 2018

All things were returned to their rightful place. Parts of self matured naturally with the unconditional presence held by those who had endured brokenness and the intimate process of putting the pieces back — having taken care to leave a tender space unfilled where it would have been easier to attempt to fill it up. What was once desperate attempts at survival became wisdom and loving self-restraint.