I found instant reprieve
in the exact moment
I returned my focus
to the space within my heart.
I learned it was enough
to focus on what was appearing
right in front of me,
allowing all that was past
to be released.
I learned to sense where
life was supporting me to be
in each moment
with a little more grace
and trust.
The was a gentle turning back
and dropping more deeply
into the space within my heart.
It was a concious surrender
to life itself
in each moment
as I learned to allow life
to flow more freely,
lost my footing,
and found my way back
again and again.
Each time I seemed
to fall back down,
I wondered how I would ever
find the strength to rise again.
There were times
of integration when I would
somehow lose my footing
and in a little bit of panic
seem to lose my way
and cry out,
which never went particularly well —
to put it mildly.
There was, in these times,
a quiet, wordless prayer
inside my heart.
Often it was the only thing
left to hold on to.
No matter how great the
contrast between what I felt
in my heart
and what appeared in front of me
and in my cluttered mind,
I continued on —
declaring once more,
perhaps with more conviction,
If the only reprieve to be found
is in my heart space
with this one continuous
quiet prayer,
then I will hold
only this.
Life began to soften
ever so slightly.
It was risky to hold
the love I had found
in my heart.
There were body memories
of the times when the contrast
between my heart and the world
had been too much to hold —
or so I thought.
Little by little I had somehow
learned how to hold whatever
needed holding —
for however long it needed
to be held —
even if it was forever.
Sometimes words and tears
didn’t come.
Sometimes standing
in the empty space where words
and tears should have been
was the exact right place.
It’s where I found the most
shattered parts of my heart,
dusted them off
with my very last bit
of strength,
and promised to somehow
fit the pieces together and make
something beautiful of the mess —
again.
Of course each time I
realized the impact
of the imperfect journey
and willingness to show up
in that very moment —
breaking through my fear
of getting it wrong,
shattering my heart a little more
and directing me back again
to tenderness.
Writing in the moment
began as a way of telling
the story of past healing
and quickly became a way
of moving through present challenges,
flowing new kinds of thoughts
from a quiet space within —
remaining open to the possibility
that new kinds of thoughts
and feelings could begin to be
reflected.
Out of emptiness
comes the return of the fire —
a bit of danger and destruction,
the transformation of grief
into treasured tenderness,
immense compassion
and love.
— What’s Right Here
In this moment,
I embrace all parts of me —
of us all.
I honor what is here
with open hands
and an open heart.
My thoughts now resonate
with my soul.
— What’s Right Here
The way of love
seemed so simple
at a certain point.
But that was because I had
taken other paths to the edge.
I had lived the opposite.
There was grief
And there was steadfast knowing
that somehow guaranteed
I would never again be tempted
by darkness —
not ever.
Anything that wasn’t aligned
with love eventually fell away.
It seemed odd there had
ever been another path.
But it was understood,
looking back,
that parts of the whole
had felt disconnected
and a sacred journey
to the remembrance of wholeness
had been carried out.
