Tag: awakening

After Everything

Laurie's NotesLeave a comment

The quiet prayer in my heart

continued on

no matter how many times I seemed

to forget to listen.

It was there in the quiet moments

when I dared to gather up all

of the confusion and anxieties

and frustration and ongoing traumas

playing out all around me.

It was there in the aha moments

when I became quiet enough to remember

all I had forgotten to gather up —

all the little bits of hope and the pure

miraculous way they still existed

after everything.

It was there when I remembered

just one small, sweet memory

of the journey —

a time when I seemed to be

completely alone but realized I was not.

In a sea of traumatic memories

and the long list of things lost,

what stood out, if I looked

and listened a little deeper,

was tenderness.

In This Place

Laurie's Notes3 Comments

Perhaps the most painful lesson

on the journey

was allowing things to be

unresolved —

unsorted.

It was a little different than

giving in. It was definitely not

giving up., but I had to learn

to hold a place for all that was unsettled —

trusting in previous lessons learned

about truth and love and the fluidity

of all states —

knowing beyond all doubt that

there was tenderness in this place.

Reconnection

Laurie's Notes1 Comment

I learned that in order to retain the delicate

reconnection with my true Self,

there was to be a clean cut

with all that was of false light.

There were moments of extreme grief

and disbelief as one piece after another,

all that was holding my heart from

it’s true calling was torn back.

I did my best to gather up anything

that might help in retracing my steps

and somehow returning with some kind

of treasure to share —

which helped to create a sense

of meaning in the pain.

Eventually, even carefully gathered treasures

had to be set down — for a while,

adding to the already immense grief

I didn’t know if my heart could bear.

But it was at that point I began to

understand tenderness and

compassion and grace

more deeply.

And I knew I could never

turn back.

Worth Living

Laurie's Notes1 Comment

There were so many moments

of decision,

so many chances to take one more step

and to trust it was indeed safe to hold

out for truth

just one more last time.

I learned the art of turning inward,

healing deeply

all the parts of me that were

frightened and exhausted from years

of being disconnected from each other

and from God.

I learned there was a powerful

spirit of pure, real love —

not the imitation or false light

I had strived for.

No, not that.

This unexpected rising up of pure

Spirit was what had brought me

through trials and encouraged me

when I didn’t think I could endure.

And it was this very rising up

that, each time I glanced at the road

behind me, made the whole journey

worth living.

Again

Laurie's Notes2 Comments

It was difficult to hold

many things.

It was difficult to comprehend

that the world wasn’t

how it appeared on the surface.

I had known that at an early age

and had continued on.

It was disheartening to know

and be unable to be heard —

as so many times before.

Yet I remained thankful for strength

to hold it all anyway —

and to remain connected

to God and to my heart

this time

and to welcome new friends

and new experiences

as I learned to notice

and nurture the smallest

bit of hope and pure joy

again.

Every Single Time

Laurie's Notes2 Comments

There came a time

when it didn’t matter

how many lies were spoken

or if they were repeated

by every single person around me.

My love of truth had grown so great

and my determination to

move in the direction of truth

and to never again be disconnected

from my own true Self had become

just what I do.

I had learned to respond to my own

inner reality and to create

from there.

Of course the darkness was

difficult to walk through.

And I admit I wasn’t always graceful.

But I reminded myself in the darkest

of times that without fail, every single time

I faced the path ahead and walked it

all the way,

all I remembered was the incredible light

and magic I had experienced.

Embraced

Laurie's Notes1 Comment

It was disheartening to surrender

to the idea that love of truth

and the desire to see and protect

one’s own true spirit

and that within others had gotten a bit

scrambled.

Sometimes sacred things got mixed up

on the road to tenderness.

Sometimes darkness found its way in

where there was wounding,

And it took a while to let go of the idea

that moving further away from

true unity based on united sovereign souls

could ever lead anywhere good.

No, in the end, darkness and separation

had to be seen for what it was–

looked straight in the face

and released.

Parts of Self desperately hated,

disconnected,

and previously entwined with the dark

had to be embraced.