Life took on a welcome
subtleness.
The ability to create
a lighter, more playful relationship
with thought offered
a new kind of reprieve.
There was a renewed trust
in the two-way communication
with life
and a reconnection with
sacredness that made being alive
begin to make a little more sense.
Sometimes the only thing
I knew to do
was to keep going,
which undoubtedly meant
surrendering to the creative flow
of life.
And so there was the
painful dropping of pieces
I had held so carefully
and an understanding
I seemed to have with God
that I would sometimes
hold on a little longer,
push ahead,
lose my center,
and struggle to find any
resemblance of grace.
But I would always keep going.
There was pain in returning to wholeness. It was painful to reach back to parts of myself stuck in the past. And it was painful to begin to feel the pain of others as my own pain.
But there was no turning back. There was a tenderness in tapping into truth that I was unwilling to let go of again. And so I continued to meet each unfolding moment from a state of prayer — trusting in life to meet me. It felt like a huge risk, but I had been in that place before.
During times
of great shifting,
when emotions were
intense
and bodies
and minds tired
most easily
with each added thought
and moment of
learning,
I found it was
possible to return
my focus
to the stillness
within
and count every
single piece of
wisdom gained as valuable —
while being willing
to hold it
lightly —
remaining unafraid
to release all
into the creative space
I learned to
embrace again
and again,
each time a little more
completely,
as I continued on.
I learned to listen
to life,
not as a distant,
separate being,
but as a gentle
interpreter
of messages to
deeper parts of
me.
I loved
the tender way
the messages softened
as I found courage
to soften
my own heart
a little more.
There was
comfort in knowing
I was deeply connected
with my heart.
Things that once
caused me to
feel lost
now reinforced
the feeling of
inner connectedness.
Life around me
began to reflect
a deeper kind
of peace.
But it was
the feeling of being
forever connected
within
that gently carried me
as I continued on.
This pain
you feel
is not separate
from the pain of
the world.
But it does not
define who or what
or where you are.
You must keep
searching.
Don’t look only
for relief
or some explanation
or label
to describe
what is on the surface.
Don’t look
to the world
for this.
You may find
these kinds
of answers.
But they will be
surface answers.
Look deeper.
Keep searching
until your heart
begins to speak
louder.
Always listen
to your heart,
even if it seems
so subtle that you
have to strain
just to feel some kind
of faint whisper.
It will
become louder.
May it lead you
always.
Amen.
I found
life wasn’t quite as
black and white
as I had thought.
I found love wasn’t
about covering up
or fixing.
Somehow,
peace wasn’t
some distant goal
to be achieved,
and the most
loving thing
often meant allowing
myself and others
to be gently guided
through the tender places
that remained
unhealed.
When there is
much to sort through,
remind me
to focus within.
Help me
to be present
in this moment —
In my heart.
I know it is
just enough.
Amen
I found a little magic
in the way I began
to honor
and allow feelings
to pass through me,
no longer meeting them
as the tightly
held together sense
of self
with a neatly
packaged story
as before,
but as the one
who was free
to explore and meet life
as it appeared
in each moment —
as a quiet prayer.
Laurie's Notes 