I learned to wait
for words to form,
softly–
in remembrance of
the one continuous quiet
prayer of my heart.
Tag: Reflections
After Everything
The quiet prayer in my heart
continued on
no matter how many times I forgot
to listen.
It was there in the quiet moments
when I dared to gather up all
of the confusion and anxieties
and frustration and ongoing traumas
playing out all around me.
It was there in the aha moments
when I became quiet enough to remember
all I had forgotten to gather up –
all the little bits of hope and the pure
miraculous way they still existed
after everything.
It was there when I remembered
just one small, sweet memory
of the journey –
a time when I seemed to be
completely alone but realized I was not.
In a sea of traumatic memories
and the long list of things lost,
what stood out, if I looked
and listened a little deeper,
was tenderness.
Softening
It took a little practice, but I learned to remain in my heart. I learned to honor all that was painful while holding space for tenderness.
I began to sink into my heart a little more each time I remembered I had the option to remain there. Experiences that seemed unhealable at first glance began to reflect the softening in my own heart.
No Matter What
Healing deeply meant finding a way to reach in to parts of Self — where it would have been easier not to. It meant reaching a place where surface responses and insights were no longer an option.
It meant becoming humble enough to reach into the unknown space within my own heart for guidance in each moment with the resolve to find my way and remain there and in a world finding its own heart again — no matter what.
All That Was Unhealed
Healing deeply was a little different than I had first expected it to be. I had to learn to hold and let go of all the pieces of my heart.
I learned to reach for my own inner healer — listening beyond stories and thought — holding space for all that was unhealed in me — respecting the tenderness, authentic beauty, compassion and peace I found there that couldn’t have been taught.
I began to notice all the ways I had tried to reach this place that had actually taken me in the opposite direction. Instead of trying so hard to work out the stories in my mind, I learned to be in my heart — where unresolved pieces turned into pieces of art and honored wisdom. Whatever was needed began to unfold a little more gracefully from there.
Whatever Remained
One day I realized the peace I felt had come out of the quiet moments, the insights that came that couldn’t be shared or explained. It had come out of whatever remained of the grief of being within a separate self and the grace of having found my way back to my whole heart.
It was the non-verbal kind of feeling my way through life that had saved me. It was the wisdom beyond stories and questions and answers I found in the silent spaces within that nothing else could reach.
It came out of the willingness to wait forever for words to form and outer forms to match the love I knew in my heart.
A Place of Surrender
What Now became
a way of being.
It took a bit of practice
to allow my mind
to relax into a place
of surrender to the prayer
within my heart
and to integrate parts of me
I had previously struggled
against.
But it was there hidden within
this place
that I found true healing
and peace.
In the Direction of Restoration
I learned the value in reclaiming
the sacred space within
and reconnecting with my heart.
There were times
when a power greater than
my own small, separated self
rose up and intuitive knowing
could no longer be ignored.
Each moment became
a conscious choice of
“What now?”
Anything not moving in
the direction of creativity
and restoration
naturally fell away.
With a Hint of Grace
There was peace in the delicate way I learned to hold all thoughts and emotions and find my way through challenges — not alone, but with a hint of inner grace and trust I hadn’t known before.
I had gained a respect for the sacred journey back to our hearts. Tender places where old wounds lived reminded me of where I had been and the purity of love able to reach through dark places. The intensity of this love remained and softened the need for such extreme contrast.
A Path I Couldn’t See
There were times when the most loving thing I could do was to let go of all the pieces I had been trying to fit together. I learned to toss it all and trust the right pieces to come back down in each moment.
I learned to trust the part of me that could hold and let go of all of my experiencs. I liked the tenderness of subtle insights and the feeling of connection so much that I was willing to risk taking a path I couldn’t see.
Laurie's Notes 