I learned to allow things to be
unsorted –
trusting in previous lessons learned
about truth and love
and the fluidity
of all states –
knowing beyond all doubt that
there is tenderness
in this place.
Category: Continuing On
Worth Living
There were so many moments
of decision,
so many chances to take one more step
and to trust it was indeed safe to hold
out for truth
just one more last time.
I learned the art of turning inward,
healing deeply
all the parts of me that were
frightened and exhausted from years
of being disconnected from each other
and from God.
I learned there was a powerful
spirit of pure, real love —
not the imitation or false light
I had strived for.
No, not that.
This unexpected rising up of pure
Spirit was what had brought me
through trials and encouraged me
when I didn’t think I could endure.
And it was this very rising up
that, each time I glanced at the road
behind me, made the whole journey
worth living.
Straight Through
I learned, out of necessity,
the skill of holding an intention
while letting go at the same time.
It was this delicate balance
of holding and letting go
that gave me the stamina
to do what felt absolutely impossible —
to love my way straight through
all that was painful
and turn it into the most tender
experience.
Unseen
Just when I thought
there was no hope,
just when darkness seemed
to have won,
I learned something surprising.
I learned this was the perfect
set up for an equal and opposite
surge of light
that would outshine every last
bit of darkness.
And once lit,
nothing could put it out
What was seen could never be
unseen.
What Remained
For the most part,
what remained was the sweet
tenderness of the journey.
It was a bit of a jolt
when the dark nights appeared.
But with each one came
a little more light, pointing the way,
ever so clearly, to my true essence
and connection with my true Self.
It was, of course, difficult
during those intense times
of clearing out and letting go.
There was grief.
There was a lot of grief.
And there was, when I dared to trust
and keep going,
an ever expanding space of
tenderness,
which I wouldn’t have traded
for the chance to hold on
to anything else.
Where There Is No Path
I found there were many
forks in the road,
many places to choose
to walk where there is
no path,
where pain is held, honored
and transformed again and again —
each time leaving a little more space
for the one thing strong enough
to balance the traces of pain inevitably
left over from often difficult journeys,
the one thing strong enough to hold all
of the pieces
of an authentic life —
the space within our hearts.
Never Again
The way of love
seemed so simple
at a certain point.
But that was because I had
taken other paths to the edge.
I had lived the opposite.
There was grief
And there was steadfast knowing
that somehow guaranteed
I would never again be tempted
by darkness —
not ever.
The Remembrance
Anything that wasn’t aligned
with love eventually fell away.
It seemed odd there had
ever been another path.
But it was understood,
looking back,
that parts of the whole
had felt disconnected
and a sacred journey
to the remembrance of wholeness
had been carried out.
Within the Unfolding
Life continued to unfold.
With the reconnection
to a deeper sense of self
came a lingering sadness
for the difficult path
traveled in order to reach
a more expanded view
and for the equally difficult
path of awakening
of the greater whole.
Becoming more at ease within
the unfolding took a little bit
of getting used to.
It helped to remember
to remain in the sacred space
of the present moment —
where spirit, body,
and higher mind were joined —
where reprieve and healing
had been found so many times.
No Words
For the parts of me that have bravely carried on for the sake of survival, while feeling disconnected from the whole, I hold this silent prayer — knowing no words could compete with the sincerely felt presence, honor, and receptiveness held back for too long. Amen
Laurie's Notes 