I found it worked best
to connect with parts of me
that needed attention.
I learned I could hold these parts
without needing them to change.
The first time I noticed I could, in fact,
affect my experience in the world
in a gentle way —
without analyzing or retraumatizing —
without a desperate search,
I had no more need for
less effective ways of coping
that had served to carry me
to a safer place.
Whatever appeared as a reflection
to this safe place within
would be enough.
And when the the outer experience
didn’t match what was felt in my heart,
I held my ground.
It wasn’t always comfortable,
but it was a continuous,
delicate and sacred transformation
There was a quiet connection
within my heart
that never left.
Words flowed from somewhere
beyond time –
comforting and creating
space for healing –
a path through
all that was painful
into a place of ever-evolving
And so there was
a sacred holding,
the journey within —
where all was dissolved
into the purest love.
Sadness lingered there.
found their place
and helped to form
words to point the way
to subtle mysteries
only the most tender hearts
When I looked back, after a while, the story I had carried had faded. It was the subtler, sometimes painfully subtle story beyond the surface that kept my attention.
It was the faint memory of all the times I had managed to allow a quieting, just enough to hear the quiet prayer spoken from my own heart — somewhere long ago.
It was each moment I had allowed my heart to remain open, even though I was sure I didn’t know how to continue on, that had woven a more beautiful story — somehow.
May I be guided today by grace. May I have the patience to wait for higher thoughts. May I be moved by inspiration and love and creative flow — viewing each experience that crosses my path as an alternate route to tenderness. Amen
There was a continuous movement within the stillness of my true Self. It was the softening of all parts of me that had felt separate and lost in repetitive cycles of emotional pain.
I had reached the place of enough is enough and decided to find my way to tenderness. Tenderness came out of the realization I was reliving the exact same old pain I had vowed to never feel again. It came out of the last bit of gathered strength to try one more time to hold and honor it instead.
I found it was possible and simpler than I had imagined to soften my experience in my heart and in the world.
I began by taking the reigns of my own healing journey, while dropping the struggle at the same time. Help showed up as needed, but it was when I really began to live from my inner heart space that I began to experience tenderness.
I focused on being my inner healer and living out of a formless, creative space,. My inner experience immediately became a place of reprieve. After a while, I understood that trauma and past patterns could be held and transformed in a natural, organic way. I learned to trust my inner healer to show me just enough in each moment and to catch all the pieces of my heart each time I tossed them up or whenever life became too heavy.
I began to notice small moments of natural tenderness and a faint whisper of a wordless prayer in my heart. It was the opposite of the struggle to push away pain and impossible to ignore because I had known such huge contrast.
After a while, it was most natural to remain open to experiences and the slightest sign or hint of the beginnings of tenderness.
It took a little practice, but I learned to remain in my heart. I learned to honor all that was painful while holding space for tenderness.
I began to sink into my heart a little more each time I remembered I had the option to remain there. Experiences that seemed unhealable at first glance began to reflect the softening in my own heart.