All That Was Good

The thing is I was used to

taming inner darkness,

and sorting outrageous amounts of

mixed up truth and lies

was nothing.

The thing is I had already succumbed

to the dissonance —

already given up my soul

in pieces,

gathered it back up,

and carefully fit it back together with

my last bit of strength.

I had almost lost my life,

but it was almost completely

surrendering my soul

that was far worse.

The loss of my soul and therefore

all connection with God

and all that was life affirming

and good

became the one thing I feared.

And so, as shocking as it was to

be challenged and pushed

to the edge once more,

I was prepared not to go

down that path ever again.

After a While

Peace, I found,

wasn’t at the end

of a neatly sorted


but in each moment

I dared to look life

straight in the eye

and see through

what appeared on the surface.

After a while,

the tender beauty

in being able to hold

and let go of

whatever appeared

with grace and honor

and space

became the essence

of every experience.