recovery – Page 11 – Laurie's Notes

Whatever Remained

February 3, 2018February 3, 2018 Laurie's Notes

One day I realized the peace I felt had come out of the quiet moments, the insights that came that couldn’t be shared or explained. It had come out of whatever remained of the grief of being within a separate self and the grace of having found my way back to my whole heart.

It was the non-verbal kind of feeling my way through life that had saved me. It was the wisdom beyond stories and questions and answers I found in the silent spaces within that nothing else could reach.

It came out of the willingness to wait forever for words to form and outer forms to match the love I knew in my heart.

Reflections

A Quiet Kind of Beauty

February 1, 2018November 6, 2022 Laurie's Notes

There was a quiet kind of beauty in allowing my heart to be in pieces. It wasn’t the mending, so much, that allowed my experience in the world to begin to soften. It was the gentle shift from being the pieces to being the whole Self.

It was too much at first to step out of the pieces. And so I practiced holding and letting go until the tenderness of tapping into my own true essence far outweighed anything else. There was a sweetness in noticing that it did in fact matter what I was experiencing on the inside.

Reflections

In Unlikely Places

January 24, 2018February 1, 2018 Laurie's Notes

It was sobering to find tenderness in unlikely places — to be willing to listen to life — tossing up thoughts and stories gathered and held so carefully in exchange for a new kind of emptiness and the courage to regather pieces of my heart again and again — each time a little more sweetly.

It was a relief not to need to fit the many pieces of my heart together all at once.

Tenderness

All That Was Tender

January 21, 2018February 3, 2018 Laurie's Notes

After a while I learned to be in my heart and in the world. I learned to extract all that was beautiful and all that was tender from each experience. I learned to stand with the part of me that was most healed and let go — holding the door of my heart for all that was not quite beautiful — daring to continue on with love.

Prayers

With Love

January 13, 2018January 13, 2018 Laurie's Notes

Thank you for courage

to follow where my heart

would lead

and for resolve

to stand firmly

through challenges within

the creative flow

when it would be easier

to take a different path.

Bless all who dare

to continue to create

with love

and those who have not

yet begun.

Amen

Continuing On

From Here

January 12, 2018January 12, 2018 Laurie's Notes

And so the decision was made

to continue on.

There was no room

in that moment

for regret or any other

cluttering thought.

There was silent understanding

in each open heart

that the time had come

to listen a little more deeply

and speak a little more

intently from here.

Unsorted

In the Direction of Restoration

January 10, 2018February 28, 2018 Laurie's Notes

I learned the value in reclaiming

the sacred space within

and reconnecting with my heart.

There were times

when a power greater than

my own small, separated self

rose up and intuitive knowing

could no longer be ignored.

Each moment became

a conscious choice of

“What now?”

Anything not moving in

the direction of creativity

and restoration

naturally fell away.

Reflections

My Own Quiet Prayer

January 5, 2018January 5, 2018 Laurie's Notes

Following a prayer from

a deeper part of me

felt more like listening than

creating plans of action.

It meant turning down

the volume on old patterns

of thought and trusting my own

inner resonance in deciding

where to place my feet.

It was comforting to feel

the familiarity as I moved

a little closer to my own

quiet prayer.

Reflections

The Echo of New Thought

January 4, 2018January 5, 2018 Laurie's Notes

A new kind of thought began to echo within. No longer believing old rambling thoughts to be worthy of so much attention left a space for the new.

The echo of new thought soothed and guided ever so gently.

Reflections

With a Hint of Grace

January 2, 2018November 20, 2018 Laurie's Notes

There was peace in the delicate way I learned to hold all thoughts and emotions and find my way through challenges — not alone, but with a hint of inner grace and trust I hadn’t known before.

I had gained a respect for the sacred journey back to our hearts. Tender places where old wounds lived reminded me of where I had been and the purity of love able to reach through dark places. The intensity of this love remained and softened the need for such extreme contrast.