recovery – Page 11 – Laurie's Notes

All That Was Unhealed

February 8, 2018February 8, 2018 Laurie's Notes

Healing deeply was a little different than I had first expected it to be. I had to learn to hold and let go of all the pieces of my heart.

I learned to reach for my own inner healer — listening beyond stories and thought — holding space for all that was unhealed in me — respecting the tenderness, authentic beauty, compassion and peace I found there that couldn’t have been taught.

I began to notice all the ways I had tried to reach this place that had actually taken me in the opposite direction. Instead of trying so hard to work out the stories in my mind, I learned to be in my heart — where unresolved pieces turned into pieces of art and honored wisdom. Whatever was needed began to unfold a little more gracefully from there.

Reflections

Whatever Remained

February 3, 2018February 3, 2018 Laurie's Notes

One day I realized the peace I felt had come out of the quiet moments, the insights that came that couldn’t be shared or explained. It had come out of whatever remained of the grief of being within a separate self and the grace of having found my way back to my whole heart.

It was the non-verbal kind of feeling my way through life that had saved me. It was the wisdom beyond stories and questions and answers I found in the silent spaces within that nothing else could reach.

It came out of the willingness to wait forever for words to form and outer forms to match the love I knew in my heart.

Reflections

A Quiet Kind of Beauty

February 1, 2018November 6, 2022 Laurie's Notes

There was a quiet kind of beauty in allowing my heart to be in pieces. It wasn’t the mending, so much, that allowed my experience in the world to begin to soften. It was the gentle shift from being the pieces to being the whole Self.

It was too much at first to step out of the pieces. And so I practiced holding and letting go until the tenderness of tapping into my own true essence far outweighed anything else. There was a sweetness in noticing that it did in fact matter what I was experiencing on the inside.

Reflections

In Unlikely Places

January 24, 2018February 1, 2018 Laurie's Notes

It was sobering to find tenderness in unlikely places — to be willing to listen to life — tossing up thoughts and stories gathered and held so carefully in exchange for a new kind of emptiness and the courage to regather pieces of my heart again and again — each time a little more sweetly.

It was a relief not to need to fit the many pieces of my heart together all at once.

Tenderness

All That Was Tender

January 21, 2018February 3, 2018 Laurie's Notes

After a while I learned to be in my heart and in the world. I learned to extract all that was beautiful and all that was tender from each experience. I learned to stand with the part of me that was most healed and let go — holding the door of my heart for all that was not quite beautiful — daring to continue on with love.