Reflections

For an Instant

Laurie's Notes

There was a kind

of strength

that came out

of my deepest pain

and mixed with the

tenderness

shattered pieces of

my own heart had

worked so hard

to push down —

because they sensed

the amount of truth

they would cry out

was too much

for any one piece

to hold —

but they were never

seperate, really.

This strength found

a way

to reach up

just once more

when it had been

pushed down

too many times

to count.

This strength stood

and looked

at all that was

painful and terrible —

straight in the face.

And it vowed

to feel its own part

in it.

It agreed to keep reaching

because it had felt

the reaching back

of a hand

holding that same fear

that shook

in its own —

if only for

an instant.

Continuing On

In Exchange for Beauty

Laurie's Notes

My deepest posture

became one

of reverence.

I found my deepest

self could endure

much shaking

on the surface.

It could honor all

parts of the whole,

without clinging

to a set of ideas

I had thought

myself to be

for a while.

It was no longer

about winning.

It was about

finding a way through

a natural process,

where I had the

chance to participate

in my own evolution —

reaching for a hand —

encouraging others

through my willingness

to face

my own hidden pain

that was entangled

with theirs —

setting down

a false

sense of self

and bits of pride

in exchange for

natural beauty

and connection.

It was the hardest

and most simple thing.

Unsorted

Out of Emptiness

Laurie's Notes

I found

the more I looked

and anchored myself

just below the surface

and practiced filtering

all things

through my heart,

the more I was able

to filter out

pieces of truth.

I trusted in my ability

to know

when to pull back

and integrate,

taking care to

push just enough —

avoiding extreme

ups and downs.

I began to listen

and trust in my own

attention

and the gentle thoughts

that formed

out of emptiness,

through my willingness

to let go

of all of it

and my persistence

to wait patiently

for the slightest bit

of truth

that would carry me

safely to the next

needed step.

Unsorted

Quieting

Laurie's Notes

And so I stood

as the shattered pieces

of a self finding

its own heart.

There was a

quieting

in the midst

of the chaos

as it began

to sense

the different way

truth was felt

here,

the way it

flowed out

of all of its pieces —

the way it led

gently

into the place of

emptiness,

how it was moved

by the natural beauty

and delicate balance

of the very ground

of its own being —

where it was humbled

and without words

for a moment–

careful

not to impose.

Reflections

In-between

Laurie's Notes

When I really

got down to it,

the healer

in me

desired the same thing

as the part of me

hidden beneath

layers of distraction.

Parts of me

had gotten lost

in trying so hard

to protect

and process

as best they could,

while believing they were

separate.

The further away

they got,

the more attention

they demanded —

leading to a never-ending

struggle.

Relief came

in each moment

as I stood,

not as those fractured

pieces,

but as the whole —

reaching back

and embracing

that hidden part

that knew her own

voice —

welcoming

and releasing

all that stood

in-between.

Quieting

Hope

Laurie's Notes

At a certain point,

the only real option

was going to

the source —

risking it all

to find something

worth holding.

It meant looking

within

and finding

that one thing

I could say

was sacred,

that one thing

worth holding

if everything else

I thought I had

understood

turned out to be

untrue.

I had to know

if there was

hope for any of us.

I had to know if

there was something

to be found

in us

that was capable

of holding

anything pure

without messing it up.

And it turned out

there was.

Unsorted

Sacred Space

Laurie's Notes

I began to

listen a little

more deeply,

noticing without

forming thought

too soon.

I found myself

safely grounded

in the sacred space

of my heart.

I could feel

when truth was

spoken

and recognize

my own true

voice rising

out of the silent

spaces I had longed for

and feared.

And I knew I could

filter it out of

any amount of noise

and clutter.