Quiet Reflections and Prayers
There was peace in the delicate way I learned to hold all thoughts and emotions and find my way through challenges — not alone, but with a hint of inner grace and trust I hadn’t known before.
I had gained a respect for the sacred journey back to our hearts. Tender places where old wounds lived reminded me of where I had been and the purity of love able to reach through dark places. The intensity of this love remained and softened the need for such extreme contrast.
There were times when the most loving thing I could do was to let go of all the pieces I had been trying to fit together. I learned to toss it all and trust the right pieces to come back down in each moment.
I learned to trust the part of me that could hold and let go of all of my experiencs. I liked the tenderness of subtle insights and the feeling of connection so much that I was willing to risk taking a path I couldn’t see.
The more I listened to life, the more I noticed the part of me that could hold and let go of any experience. There was a softening each time I stood a little more firmly in my heart and dared to linger in the silent space.
Words formed out of this place soothed and echoed in places that had seemed unhealable. And there was tenderness where there had been only pain.
There were times when I sensed listening for inner resonance and trusting the quiet whisper of truth in each moment had become a little more important. I had learned the importance of stopping to listen to life and gained a respect for its mystery, but it was during these times when I was called more deeply within that I began to notice just how much I could soften my experience in the world and be in a state of listening prayer in any moment.
The new chosen path was an unbelievable contrast to the old. From the outside, it didn’t always appear to be all that different, but from the inside it was clearly new. Instead of being pulled under by thoughts and experiences, all that appeared in my mind and in the world was seen as raw pieces of one continuous prayer.
It took a little practice to become willing to walk a new path. Finding it meant reaching inside for the light needed to take each step. It meant remaining willing to listen to life and feel my way, even through uncomfortable experiences. It meant trusting a whisper of truth to become louder and the most chaotic experiences to soften and be used to create something beautiful, but not all at once and not all alone.
There was something about walking through a big enough challenge, the kind that forces the choice to go all the way, to put all cards on the table without a guarantee that it would be enough — trusting it would be met by a greater power.
And there was something about no longer needing such extreme challenges in order to live out this kind of deep surrender. At a certain point, every moment became a prayer of hope — that the path of tenderness might be a little clearer.
There was peace within the complete surrender to my own offering in a time of uncertainty. It was understood that there were no guarantees of particular outcomes, but I had found those to be precisely the times when the purest love shines most brightly.
What mattered most was my resolve to show up and offer the highest thought I could in each experience. Every single negative experience was met with the intention to allow it to become something beautiful, not by trying too hard to analyze, but because of the resolve that grew organically out of necessity to transform darkness into light within and wherever it touched me — whatever the outcome.
There was a tenderness in the careful merging of the most difficult, painfully raw parts of the journey with the equally raw beauty of having found a love pure enough to match it. It was this newly unfolding path I learned to trust in each moment with all my heart.
I found I had the power
to stand in my heart
no matter what.
And though it saddened me
to remember all the times
I walked a darker path,
I knew the sacredness
of the journey back
and the power in choosing
my thoughts a little more
carefully in each moment
from there.
Laurie's Notes 