There came a time
when I had traveled too far
and learned too much.
And so the only thing to do,
having reached the end of the path,
was to stand still right there in my heart,
in the middle of the chaos,
let go of everything
and hope for the best.
Tag: Higher self
Ever So Slightly
Somehow I had dared
to listen to the quiet prayer
in my heart.
I had tried and exhausted
every other option
in my search for peace.
Truthfully, there was really
no better option.
It was shocking at first to,
in a sense, start over again
in my search.
But I began to sense a natural
peace within me and allow
this peace to expand — ever so slightly.
It was a sensing from within,
a quiet prayer from a deeper me.
It didn’t matter so much if things appeared
peaceful on the surface.
It didn’t depend on my body
or mind being still.
What mattered was my
willingness to show up just
as I was and to be with whatever
met me there.
Somehow
For a while
it seemed something had
gone terribly wrong.
I had lived through
much contrast and
overcome many challenges.
And yet part of me still felt unsafe
as the contrast continued.
Somehow, just like the very first time
I dared to stop and allow
all of the pieces I had been holding
a little too tightly
to fall around me,
I found the courage again
to gather up the pieces
and sink a little more deeply
into my heart —
taking one more step
into tenderness.
A Gentle Path
Words became a gentle
path back into the willingness
to feel and to be a little more
present.
After a while, they began
to echo the silence of
my deepest heart —
winding their way through
old wounds —
soothing whatever appeared
along the way.
This Space Within My Heart
It made no difference
how many times I seemed
to lose my footing.
It didn’t matter how many
times I fell.
After a while,
I understood I could
always find my way again.
After a while, I realized
I was, in fact,
this space within my heart.
I came to understand I had
survived something difficult
and landed in a lower vibration —
for a while
where the sound of my soul
seemed faint.
But I could find my way
again.
Within the Unfolding
Life continued to unfold.
With the reconnection
to a deeper sense of self
came a lingering sadness
for the difficult path
traveled in order to reach
a more expanded view
and for the equally difficult
path of awakening
of the greater whole.
Becoming more at ease within
the unfolding took a little bit
of getting used to.
It helped to remember
to remain in the sacred space
of the present moment —
where spirit, body,
and higher mind were joined —
where reprieve and healing
had been found so many times.
Something Beautiful
There was a longing for some missed step along the way, some kind of orientation to life or honoring of the intensity of the spiritual journey that didn’t happen soon enough. And so finding my way back to where I could sense a loving higher self had been a long, tedious journey.
The process of gathering up fractured parts of self came with its own kind of heartache. Somehow, thankfully, it also came with added tenderness. That’s what kept me in the game. It was the awe at how I kept finding just the right piece just before I really needed it and the resolve to stick with myself no matter what. It was the determination to learn to trust life and to turn what looked like a complete mess into something beautiful — again and again.
Against All Odds
There were moments of deeply felt grief, having endured a long, intense spiritual and human journey. There were regrets and lingering physical scars and emotional wounds. And there was tenderness, something that was understood deep down to somehow be the whole point.
There was the understanding, in the brief moments of outer calm, that I had given up many things on this journey — but not this. I wouldn’t have been able to endure without this tenderness of spirit.
I wouldn’t have been able to be present in a world of challenges without having broken apart and come back together. I wouldn’t have been able to look at overwhelming challenges and destruction without knowing what is possible. I had been to the edge of destruction in my own way and had, against all odds, transformed — not with my own limited human self alone, but in cooperation with something much bigger that I didn’t quite understand.
At a certain point, it became clear that standing on the edge of destruction was only one way this thing could go. It was possible to be moved also by respect and compassion for having made it so far and the passion to prevent future suffering wherever I could. It was possible to nurture and allow the smallest spark of pure love to ignite.
No Words
For the parts of me that have bravely carried on for the sake of survival, while feeling disconnected from the whole, I hold this silent prayer — knowing no words could compete with the sincerely felt presence, honor, and receptiveness held back for too long. Amen
A Quiet Prayer
For a time,
everything reflected back
a sense of disconnection,
but there was a faded memory
of a deeper truth
just beneath the surface —
a quiet prayer that,
when held just lightly enough,
began the gentle task
of transformation.
Life was returned
to the sacred prayer
it was meant to be.
All things were held safely
within this transformation
into tenderness.
Laurie's Notes 