Symptoms arose
and disappeared
at a certain point.
But that turned out
to be a small note
on the side
of what I had found.
Something whispered,
“Keep going.”
Quiet Reflections and Prayers
Symptoms arose
and disappeared
at a certain point.
But that turned out
to be a small note
on the side
of what I had found.
Something whispered,
“Keep going.”
As I continued
to reflect on
my own journey,
I began to remember
what original thought
felt like
before being
interpreted
or manipulated.
And this
pure thought
became a kind of
medicine —
reaching a part of me
that had longed
to hear her own
true voice.
I found
it was possible
to turn in the direction
of natural unity
and abilities
in a world that had
put just about
everything
above the sacredness
of its own soul
and body.
I found it was possible
to look
at where I stood
and choose
to take a different path —
to not get lost
in the grieving of
what could have been
or settle for
bad copies
of what was still
pure —
to remember
what had been kept
hidden and safe
within
my own heart
and to use the skills
I had learned
to find
or create
a new path.
I found that
Love,
in its purest form,
doesn’t depend
on some end
goal.
It honors all
of life —
all that unfolds
out of itself —
for however long it
stays.
At a certain point,
I began to seek
truth
for the sake of truth.
The decision was made
to set down
everything.
There were no words
for the gratitude
I carried on
for the little
frightened parts
of me
that sensed
and remembered
being unbroken.
Thank you
for walking with me
through my despair
when there was
no guarantee
that it would
be enough
to reach
the other side —
aside from
the feel of
your steady hand
and willingness
to wait for mine.
For a dear friend who asked me what I learned after a long recovery from anorexia
and for all of us —
I found that,
without a doubt,
who I am
is more than
this human body
and mind.
I know this,
not because I studied
with enlightened beings,
even though I did.
I know this because
I lived it.
That is the power
and tender treasure
in this human journey,
especially those
that involve
deep healing.
I found this human
being to be a part
of me
with many parts
of its own,
some that are beautiful
and easy to love
and some that are
more difficult.
I found my greatest
healing in holding,
honoring and letting go.
I found this was a natural
process.
I found the core
of who I am
is Love.
I found this Love
naturally reveals
just enough information
in each moment.
I found my symptoms
and outer triggers
to be, in fact,
pieces of information
along this sacred journey.
I came to see
this life
wasn’t just about
healing symptoms
and reaching goals.
It was about the journey
itself.
And I began to remember
just how sacred
life is.
I began to see
myself as connected
to all of it.
I found I was
connected in each moment
to a higher self
and to the whole.
There was no need
to search outside
of me
for that connection.
There was no need
to try so hard
to manifest much.
Whispers of
pure spirit,
nature,
and the connection
found in a handful
of deep friendships
were more satisfying
than anything else.
I found joy
in being in a creative,
sacred space
with others
and my Self —
that silent space
of Love.
I learned to listen
with my heart —
navigating my way
gently through
all that had been
too much.
I found I could
back up a little
when part of me
needed picking up.
I found relief
in letting go
of everything,
refocusing
in my heart
and waiting for
words to form
as a prayer —
reaching deep down
to where I couldn’t
reach before —
always just enough.
At a certain point,
I found
that projecting myself
any further into
the future
than that very moment
was not something
I could afford to do
any longer.
And so I prepared
as best I could
for the unknown.
And as I had done
before,
in a moment
of absolute truth,
I vowed to show up
in that moment
and the next
and trust
that my willingness
to risk
would be met.
And I knew
I would never
leave the prayer
that began
in that moment
of truth.
I hold this space
for a new way
of being.
I honor the
sacred journey
in me
and in you.
Amen