When there were
no words to match,
when the outer world
failed to reflect
what was most true,
I vowed to stand stilll,
to hold my ground —
to never again
let go
of the stillness
within my heart.
Tag: eating disorder recovery
Straight Through
And so my reaching led
into my deepest heart,
straight through
all that had seemed
too painful
or too far —
one tiny step
from the me
in search of something
to the me
that held it all.
The Great Mystery
And so this life
continued to unfold
as I settled in
to my deepest heart
without the desire
this time
for my questions
to be answered —
with a subtle knowing
I couldn’t quite name —
holding instead
and being held
by the great mystery itself.
Daring to Be Still
Somewhere beyond
and in the middle
of all of this movement,
all of the noise,
is the me I thought
was lost.
And although who exactly
this is
escapes my understanding
in the usual way,
somehow it is
in the daring
to stand still here —
that I find her again.
— Laurie, What’s Right Here
Ever So Subtly
I learned to turn
inward —
to see past
the wounded places —
to keep my focus
on the quiet prayer
that had led me safely
back to my own
deepest heart
and softened
all experiences
ever so subtly.
Resetting
I found I only needed
to know the very next step
in front of me.
Though it was often
painful to stand
right where I was,
I learned to respect
this place
of in-between,
to focus within —
to honor the journey
and live from
the quiet prayer
that had led me to
the most precious treasures —
resetting again and again
and continuing on.
As It Is
I hold this space
within
in honor of all that has
yet to be loved,
holding what is here
as it appears
in me,
as it appears in the world,
as it is in all of us —
as it is.
— Laurie, Healer of My Own Heart
With Honor
I found
my deepest comfort
in the sinking down
into the places
I had tried so hard
to heal.
I found peace
in the willingness
to look a little past
what was appearing
on the surface
and in the subtle shift
from the desire
to heal
into the desire to hold
with honor.
An Unspoken Truce
At a certain point,
it became clear
that relief must come
at once,
in the form of
a respite,
an unspoken truce —
in the middle of
all that remained
unhealed
and unsettled.
And so I entered
the place beyond thought.
And though the energy
of what was held there
was often intense,
it was always tender
to sink a little
further in,
to be willing
to allow the uneasiness
to be there
and to subside,
to see this place
outside of me —
to be okay
no matter what.
From This Space
I let go
of the search
for understanding
and relief outside
of me.
I began to reconnect
with my own heart
and with my experiences
in the world
in a gentler way.
And to my surprise,
this gentler way
was so beautiful
that just one whisper
from this space
was enough
to drop all that was
untrue and unneeded
forever.
Laurie's Notes 