Tag: anorexia

Reflections

For an Instant

Laurie's Notes

There was a kind

of strength

that came out

of my deepest pain

and mixed with the

tenderness

shattered pieces of

my own heart had

worked so hard

to push down —

because they sensed

the amount of truth

they would cry out

was too much

for any one piece

to hold —

but they were never

seperate, really.

This strength found

a way

to reach up

just once more

when it had been

pushed down

too many times

to count.

This strength stood

and looked

at all that was

painful and terrible —

straight in the face.

And it vowed

to feel its own part

in it.

It agreed to keep reaching

because it had felt

the reaching back

of a hand

holding that same fear

that shook

in its own —

if only for

an instant.

Continuing On

In Exchange for Beauty

Laurie's Notes

My deepest posture

became one

of reverence.

I found my deepest

self could endure

much shaking

on the surface.

It could honor all

parts of the whole,

without clinging

to a set of ideas

I had thought

myself to be

for a while.

It was no longer

about winning.

It was about

finding a way through

a natural process,

where I had the

chance to participate

in my own evolution —

reaching for a hand —

encouraging others

through my willingness

to face

my own hidden pain

that was entangled

with theirs —

setting down

a false

sense of self

and bits of pride

in exchange for

natural beauty

and connection.

It was the hardest

and most simple thing.

Unsorted

Out of Emptiness

Laurie's Notes

I found

the more I looked

and anchored myself

just below the surface

and practiced filtering

all things

through my heart,

the more I was able

to filter out

pieces of truth.

I trusted in my ability

to know

when to pull back

and integrate,

taking care to

push just enough —

avoiding extreme

ups and downs.

I began to listen

and trust in my own

attention

and the gentle thoughts

that formed

out of emptiness,

through my willingness

to let go

of all of it

and my persistence

to wait patiently

for the slightest bit

of truth

that would carry me

safely to the next

needed step.

Unsorted

Quieting

Laurie's Notes

And so I stood

as the shattered pieces

of a self finding

its own heart.

There was a

quieting

in the midst

of the chaos

as it began

to sense

the different way

truth was felt

here,

the way it

flowed out

of all of its pieces —

the way it led

gently

into the place of

emptiness,

how it was moved

by the natural beauty

and delicate balance

of the very ground

of its own being —

where it was humbled

and without words

for a moment–

careful

not to impose.

Reflections

In-between

Laurie's Notes

When I really

got down to it,

the healer

in me

desired the same thing

as the part of me

hidden beneath

layers of distraction.

Parts of me

had gotten lost

in trying so hard

to protect

and process

as best they could,

while believing they were

separate.

The further away

they got,

the more attention

they demanded —

leading to a never-ending

struggle.

Relief came

in each moment

as I stood,

not as those fractured

pieces,

but as the whole —

reaching back

and embracing

that hidden part

that knew her own

voice —

welcoming

and releasing

all that stood

in-between.

From A Quiet Prayer

Within Us All

Laurie's Notes

In-between struggling

and peace,

there was a delicate hand,

the me

that could lead

the rest of me safely

though this place.

It wasn’t each little

part alone

as it had seemed.

It wasn’t the good

and the bad.

It took each one

who had felt

separate

and tried so hard.

It took the trust

of each precious one

who dared

to show up.

And it was

this delicate

turning around

by the healer

within us all.

Continuing On

The Most Tender Place

Laurie's Notes

I held on

to a tiny whisper

from my heart

and the smallest bit

of silent space.

I had tried

all other ways

and sensed the time

had come to risk

all that was left

and let go of my mind’s

idea of how

this thing should go.

Anyway, that tiny whisper

couldn’t be ignored

much longer.

The way

to a new place

was through

all I didn’t know —

the most tender place,

this place of

in-between.

Quieting

Only This Place

Laurie's Notes

It was a delicate thing

to hold

all the pieces

of my own shattered

heart —

setting down everyting

I had gathered

again and again —

listening deeply

without knowing

exactly how –

pulling my very

sense of self

back —

waiting for words

to form

only from this place —

speaking only

to this place —

where there was

peace

and the courage

to continue on.