Tag: recovery

Quieting

Without Doubt

Laurie's Notes

For a dear friend who asked me what I learned after a long recovery from anorexia

and for all of us —

 

I found that,

without a doubt,

who I am

is more than

this human body

and mind.

I know this,

not because I studied

with enlightened beings,

even though I did.

I know this because

I lived it.

That is the power

and tender treasure

in this human journey,

especially those

that involve

deep healing.

I found this human

being to be a part

of me

with many parts

of its own,

some that are beautiful

and easy to love

and some that are

more difficult.

I found my greatest

healing in holding,

honoring and letting go.

I found this was a natural

process.

I found the core

of who I am

is Love.

I found this Love

naturally reveals

just enough information

in each moment.

I found my symptoms

and outer triggers

to be, in fact,

pieces of information

along this sacred journey.

I came to see

this life

wasn’t just about

healing symptoms

and reaching goals.

It was about the journey

itself.

And I began to remember

just how sacred

life is.

I began to see

myself as connected

to all of it.

I found I was

connected in each moment

to a higher self

and to the whole.

There was no need

to search outside

of me

for that connection.

There was no need

to try so hard

to manifest much.

Whispers of

pure spirit,

nature,

and the connection

found in a handful

of deep friendships

were more satisfying

than anything else.

I found joy

in being in a creative,

sacred space

with others

and my Self —

that silent space

of Love.

Waiting for Words

Waiting for Words

Laurie's Notes

I learned to listen

with my heart —

navigating my way

gently through

all that had been

too much.

I found I could

back up a little

when part of me

needed picking up.

I found relief

in letting go

of everything,

refocusing

in my heart

and waiting for

words to form

as a prayer —

reaching deep down

to where I couldn’t

reach before —

always just enough.

Continuing On

Moment of Truth

Laurie's Notes

At a certain point,

I found

that projecting myself

any further into

the future

than that very moment

was not something

I could afford to do

any longer.

And so I prepared

as best I could

for the unknown.

And as I had done

before,

in a moment

of absolute truth,

I vowed to show up

in that moment

and the next

and trust

that my willingness

to risk

would be met.

And I knew

I would never

leave the prayer

that began

in that moment

of truth.

Unsorted

Gently

Laurie's Notes

I vowed

to take all that was

not beautiful in my

own heart

and transform it —

gently.

I vowed to hold

each wounded part

in me,

including those that were

most difficult

to hold.

And when it was

not possible,

I held the empty space

of their absence.

I showed up

for each life experience.

I held it all

until it was possible

to set it all down.

And I found

that wherever

I placed myself

within this sacred journey,

I was held

safely within

my true,

whole self.

Prayers

Transformed

Laurie's Notes

I honor each

heart that has

shown up

to find its own

true voice

at a time

when so much

is being

transformed.

I honor the sacred

journey each one

must travel

alone

in order

to come together

in a new way.

I honor those

who hold a space

for me

to sort through

all that is in need

of sorting.

I honor

this journey

in my own heart.

And I hold this space

for those

just beginning.

Amen

Unsorted

As It Was

Laurie's Notes

Healing became

less of something

to figure out

after a while.

It began to feel

more like a sacred

journey

as I began to place

my focus

more and more

in my heart.

Instead of trying

so hard to create,

I began to notice

the natural way

I was pulled to

notice life

around me

and inside.

I found myself

holding and letting go

of all that crossed

my path —

as the two became one

delicate movement.

Quiet prayers

were whispered

and symptoms disappeared.

But by that time,

it didn’t really

matter so much

exactly what happened

on the surface

because there was

something tender

in meeting life

exactly as it was.

Reflections

My Greatest Hope

Laurie's Notes

It wasn’t about

trying so hard

to create,

really.

Healing my own

shattered heart

was an art,

not a formula.

It took the strength

of each piece

risking to trust

when it would have

made more sense

to turn away.

It took the strength

to reach

and to hold

with open hands —

without grasping

or needing to avoid

being left

alone

in my reaching

while praying

to God that

wouldn’t happen.

It was a risk

that at a certain point

had become

my greatest hope.

Quieting

No Matter What

Laurie's Notes

There was

a sense of connection

that couldn’t come

out of finally being

fully understood

on the surface.

It didn’t come out

of finally finding

all the answers

to endless questions.

It didn’t even really

come out

of anything

I had gathered

in my attempts

to find it.

This sense of connection

came out of

the whole journey —

through the pain of

rejection

and the willingness

to walk through

the unknown

in search of

whatever it was

I thought I was

reaching for.

But that was the strength

of the pure desire

to reach

and to know my own

true voice —

no matter what.