Quiet Reflections and Prayers
The quieting
continued to deepen.
Outer and inner experiences
were no longer seen
as obstacles,
but as life simply
showing up
as I had witnessed
my own self
showing up
to meet life.
And in this quieting,
there was often
sadness —
as again and again,
I offered up
my whole self
to something other than
what my mind imagined
life to be.
But there was always
great peace.
Listening happened
in my heart,
in my whole body,
without the need
for the constant noise
of trying so hard
or working it all out.
Experiencing happened
more naturally,
often out of
many different experiences
at once,
and organized itself
into understanding
beyond thought —
within this quiet space.
Writing calms me
like medicine.
It quiets me.
I don’t try to understand
with my mind.
I just let it flow out
and sink in
to my heart.
Sometimes one word
shows up in a piece
and reaches where I couldn’t
reach in other ways.
Maybe it is that
I have to become
so still inside
to listen
with my whole being.
Maybe it is this listening
that calms the little parts
of me so profoundly.
— Laurie, Heart Space
There was less
of a need
to form solid conclusions
and interpret meaning
in each experience.
Instead, there was
a sense of being
part of life,
naturally contributing
my part —
quieting my own heart
a little more with
each unnarrated moment
and carrying on.
There was a quieting,
a gentle shift
from pure survival
to an aliveness
that flowed out of
the willingness to embrace
carefully hidden emotion
in a way that was
both safe
and strong enough
to hold
the most painful experiences —
transforming them,
through this holding,
into something beautiful.
It was rather sweet —
the way my mind
began to follow
my lead —
listening,
smiling at the silence
instead of filling it —
holding ever so lightly —
one wordless prayer
after another.
I began to filter life
in a gentler way,
holding and honoring
moments as they unfolded,
shifted and transformed
into the next.
This motion
of deep reverence
and unconditional love
became my unspoken,
continuous prayer —
sure footing
in a world in the midst
of its own deepest healing.
Let me be
a quiet prayer,
not always quiet
on the surface,
but a little deeper down.
Let my words and actions
resonate with
the space within
my deepest heart
and yours.
Amen
I found a certain
rhythm within
the changing stories
and happenings —
an aliveness
I was once afraid
to trust —
until there was
no other choice
but to follow
this aliveness,
past the stories —
all the way
to nothing —
to its purest form —
where it was
less empty
than all I had tried
to fill it with.
What was most helpful on my journey was being in a safe, honoring space because I had lost my own sacred space. I searched out the strongest, most loving healers I could find. I felt the love that radiated from these people who had done their own inner explorations and who were able to be in this space with me. I listened to their words, not with my mind, but with my heart.
— Laurie, Heart Space
Laurie's Notes 